a passing glimpse

Red Velvet Cake Balls

2012-02-12T19:46:00.003-05:00

I love Valentine's Day.

Since I'm working full this this year (something I haven't done since 2006!) I'm not able to go all out like I normally do.

But I did take some time this weekend to try a recipe I found on Pinterest a few months ago:

Red Velvet Cake Balls.

I'll admit, this was my first foray into the work of cakeballs, and while the taste amazing, it was way more time consuming than I really wanted for one of my precious Saturday evenings.

The recipe is pretty easy, you bake a red velvet cake (boxed is okay) and then break up the cake and mix it with a can of frosting. It's pretty fun to mix and roll the cake balls with your hands, but plan on everything being pink for a while :)

Then you are supposed to chill the balls. I didn't do this and I think that contributed to my problems with the chocolate coating. But then you basically just melt chocolate and coat each little ball. This is the time consuming part, so be prepared to stand over your stove for a while. Then let the balls set up on waxed paper.

I put them in these little baking cups. And then since I'm taking them for the ladies at work tomorrow (Shh! don't tell :) I put them in these brown bags.

So, overall, it was pretty fun, the taste amazing, and are dangerously portioned to keep you popping them all weekend....or maybe that's just us. But be prepared for a mess, and to be dipping cake balls for a while.

And the tags are another Pinterest find from dimple prints.
aren't they cute?!
I printed out the chevron bunting and hung it in our kitchen.

Happy Valentine's Day!!

stretch marks

2012-01-21T14:34:00.007-05:00

One of the (superficial) blessings of adoption is that I won't have stretch marks.
Well...any stretch marks that can be visibly seen. I bought a bikini.

But over the past year, I've noticed marks of growth in my life, my heart.

In most families, the arrival of a little one is preceded by a baby bump, a growing bulge with measurable development. They watch and anticipate, sometimes shocked by the rapid increase, always mindful, always waiting. And in that waiting, comes scarring caused by more growth that delicate skin can handle. A mark is made. A reminder of that short window of time when something, someone new was being created.

In our family, the stretching is just as rapid,
but a little more hidden.
A little more secret.

Instead of my abdomen, my scars of growth are evident in my heart.
I'm swelling with change, as our patience increases, our rigid thoughts of what should be fall away, our trust builds, and our love grows for people we haven't even met yet.

Sometimes it's more than my delicate heart can handle.
And marks are made.
Because something new
*a family*

and someone new
*a parent*

is being secretly, miraculously, supernaturally made.

Adventurously Expectant

2012-01-21T11:37:00.003-05:00

As soon as we received word that we were on the official waiting list.
I felt like a mother.
That is, I felt fear grip my chest.
I've heard from other mother, those expecting, and those raising their children that fear is often the hallmark emotion of motherhood.

And as I felt it weigh heavily, I sort of felt a part of the club. A club of nonsensical, worriers riding waves of emotions.

Of course...my worries are a bit different than other mothers. Instead of worrying about soft cheeses and mercury levels in tuna, I'm worrying about the levels of stress hormones and second-hand smoke and other things my baby might be exposed to. I'm worrying about any trauma, or emotional support, or access to resources, or relationship of our baby's birth mother.

I'm concerned about how I don't really qualify for any leave time from work until next October. And I'm afraid of what might happen if I don't get to have an extended period of time to bond and form attachments with my baby.

And of course, there is the financial part of adoption. Yikes.

But motherhood isn't about comparing. It's just another gracious situation to place my life, the life of our child, and the life of his/her birth mother into the will and hands of Christ. Another change to trust His provision and protection.

And in the meantime. I work. Work to advocate for those living with mental illness. Work to save all we can for the coming expenses of hospitals, and lawyers, and newborns. Work to build our supports. Work to learn from classes and books. And do the work of trusting and preparing our hearts and marriage and faith for whatever is to come. Because we are expecting. And we expect Jesus to show up in the middle of our fear.

This resurrection life you received from God
is not a timid, grave-tending life.
It's adventurously expectant,
greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"
Romans 8- The Message

what I do

2011-11-08T09:16:00.003-05:00

So, it's been over a month since my last post....I'm pretty sure that's the longest I've gone without saying something in this space since I created it 4 years ago.

And there's been a good reason for this.

I've been working. Full time.

And this past month has been the first time I have worked full time since I started blogging.
Let's just say it has been a shock to my system. And our lives.
Don't get me wrong. I have seen God's hand of provision so clearly in this move to employment.
-Like how a lot of the jobs I applied for and were asked to interview for have new been eliminated (one month after I would have been working there) due to our county's budget crisis.
-And how I can sleep in til 8:30am because of the split shift.
-And how our combined salaries meet our needs and allow us to put a little aside for baby!

But at the same time...I do have a chronic health condition. And even though I get to sit when I'm at my computer or talking to my clients...I come home with bulging disks, aching feet, and tingly legs.
So I lay down. A lot.

I find it amusing that when I wasn't working...people could not imagine how I filled my time. When in reality my life was full. I kept up with housework, meal planning and preparations so that when my husband WAS home, he could relax. I volunteered with our church's youth group and at a local elementary every week. I was involved in three women's groups at our church. I took a class for three hours every Sunday night at our church. And I still have time to make and sell cakes, cookies, and crocheted items. I made handmade cards and handmade gifts.

Now.
I work.
And lay down.

And no one asks me what I do anymore.

Our Hearts

2011-10-04T11:52:00.003-04:00

I finished up two important milestones on our adoption journey a few weeks ago.
I wanted to record my thoughts here before they get swept away by all the changes happening in our lives right now.

I accepted a job and will be starting here in the next day or so, once my background checks are cleared. So I'm trying to get as much done as possible...clean the house, grocery shop, laundry, finish up crochet orders. But I needed to stop and remember how I felt as I did two important things: wrote our letters to potential birth parents and filled out our adoption preferences.

First of all was the "adoption preferences." Which for some, may not sound like a big deal, but for me it was something I had been dreading since we started the adoption process. It's basically a list of potential circumstances where we either had to click "yes" "no" or "will consider." And mostly it's awful situations like a lack of prenatal care, exposure to drugs or alcohol in utero, mental illness, developmental disorders, etc.

Basically, decisions that I thought I had been making my whole life.
Decisions that I had made WITH my own life.
Like, looking at the family history of my future spouse and assuming that those genetic traits and vulnerabilities would be those of my babies.

I thought I had been setting up our family for the best outcome by taking care of myself and making conscience decisions. By eating healthy, avoiding poisons, steering clear of STD's (because did you know that my baby could be exposed to some STD's ?)

I can't assume that anymore.

And I know that our child's birth mother is making the best decisions she can, where she is at. I have to assume that. And ultimately she is good because our child will come from her. And our baby will be SO good. But it's just heartbreaking that those are decisions that I can't make for my own baby. Because up until the baby is in our arms with the paper signed....he/she is HER baby.

So we sat in from of our computer, praying as we clicked those little boxes. Knowing that the future won't be perfect, but it will be guarded and directed by our Heavenly Father. And that was our prayer as we filled in those questions and it will be our prayer as we accept and raise our child. Not prayers for perfection, but prayers for strength and grace for us as parents.

From the outside looking in, parenting seems to be an exercise in letting go.
And that is a lesson that we are learning, as parents, before there is even a whisper of a baby.
Letting go of expectations, of fear, of our clenched fists,
to be open to embrace the blessings, and the
teeny
tiny
little blessing He has for us.

So then the next morning I wrote out six cards to expectant parents.
I mean really, what do you say to people who are considering giving birth to a baby and then handing him/her over to you to be their parents for life?

I mean, for real....what do you say?!

Well, we had to say it. And say it six times.
We kept it short and sweet. Heartfelt and personal.
So personal that even our social worker didn't want to read a draft.

So, it will remain something sacred that is shared only between us, and the potential First Parents of our child. But I can share the last line...something I've been rolling around my head and over my tongue for the past...oh...11 months of so.
And I share it because it's true.
As we looked at our openness to certain genetic traits, lifestyle choices, and ultimately openness in our relationship, there is a shared bond, a sacred trust that will only be shared between us and them.

"Because our hearts will forever be woven together with the deep love for one child."

What I Should Have Said a While Ago

2011-09-29T13:25:00.005-04:00

When we were in the midst of very dark days, a small phrase came to mind.
When we at once were without income, church, hope for our long awaited child...
the phrase "Just watch how I will take care of you."
rose from the murkiest spot.

I kept it to myself.
And maybe I should have been more bold in the hard times.

But it's really not about my personal brazenness or ability...it's about trusting a very loving God. One who loves deeply in hard circumstances.
One who promises to never leave us.
One who draws near to the brokenhearted.

I guess I was trying to be okay with pain and learn to love God even if His provision didn't look the way I *wanted* it to.

So I'll say it now...a few months later.

As we have seen a few steps further into His provision for us:

-This week I got a job that (coupled with Nathan's job) will allow us to keep our house.
-A month ago we found a local church who welcomed us.
-Last week we were told that we are on the waiting list for our adoption because, they "have every faith that you will find another job and you are such a strong resource for birth parents that we want you to be available as soon as possible."

If you want to see a God who tenderly cares for His own:

Just watch how He takes care of us.

God is higher than anything and anyone,
outshining everything you can see in the skies.
Who can compare with God, our God,
so majestically enthroned,
Surveying his magnificent heavens and earth?
He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,
rescues the wretched who've been thrown out with the trash,
Seats them among the honored guests,
a place of honor among the brightest and best.
He gives childless couples a family,
gives them joy as the parents of children.
Hallelujah!
Ps. 113:4-9

We Can't Wait

2011-09-21T16:00:00.002-04:00

We got an email today that changed our lives.
And like most beautiful life-changing announcements...
this one was a surprise.

We are officially on the waiting list.

We are expecting.

We have been accepted and they will start showing our profile to prospective birth parents.

So I've been giddy all day.
And tomorrow I'll be updating our baby wish list to a baby registry.
And cleaning out the nursery.
And researching the baby classes offered through our local hospital.

While it still might be a year or so til we are considered by an expectant birth mother...I can't help but preparing...

Because we CAN'T WAIT!!

Pumpkin and Spice and Everything Nice

2011-09-16T11:38:00.004-04:00

I know I can be sort of a *ahem* dessert snob.
That is why there has been a box of spice cake mix in our pantry for over a year.
I think it was given to us by some sweet person...and I was just too snobby to use it.

Until I was perusing Pinterest the other day when I saw a claim that you could make cupcakes from two ingredients: a can of pumpkin and a boxed cake mix. I thought to myself, "I have a cake mix. I have pumpkin...I need cupcakes." And I have to tell you, after making these goodies last night, this dessert snob thinks you need cupcakes at your house too.

Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes

-Boxed mix for Spice Cake
-15 oz. can pureed pumpkin
(for reals, that's it!)

Preheat oven to 350*. Grease 12 cup muffin tin. Add pumpkin to cake mix and blend well. Use 1/4 measuring cup to scoop into tins. Bake at 350* for 20-25 minutes. Cool completely on wire racks.

And while they are cooling you can make the frosting.
(I've never had the cupcakes without the frosting and it is so good...why mess with perfection?)

Marshmallow Spice frosting
-1/4 cup (half a stick) butter, softened
-8 oz. cream cheese, softened
-3.5 oz. Marshmallow fluff
-1 tsp. vanilla extract
-1 tsp. cinnamon
-1/2 tsp. nutmeg
-3 c. powdered sugar

Beat butter and cream cheese until smooth. Add marshmallow fluff and mix well. Add vanilla, cinnamon and nutmeg. Add powdered sugar slowly, mixing well. Beat well. Put into pastry bag and frost cooled cupcakes. Welcome fall!

Our Life on our Coffee Table

2011-09-14T12:28:00.002-04:00

The other day i was looking at the collections of books and magazines on our little coffee table. They tell a story, and offer a glimpse into our hearts and lives during this difficult season. So I thought I would capture it in pictures and share in words.

Because our life will change. We will have answers to all our questions, eventually. And all the unknowns will become surer in time. But for now our lives and our coffee table looks like this:

The bottom layer is magazines:
Stepping Stones, the newsletter from Bethany Christian Services' infertility ministry

LifeLines, the magazine put out to Bethany Christian Services adoptive clients

then comes the books for the pain we encountered the past few months:

Direct Hit by Paul Borden
What Works When Life Doesn't by Stuart Briscoe
Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman

And then, hope for the future of our family:

Adopted for Life by Russell Moore
What to Expect the First Year

Because one day I will forget about the crazy people I worked with.

2011-09-13T08:30:00.000-04:00

Do you know what is utterly fascinating?
Getting to know people who work in a mental hospital.
FAH-scinating.
and hilarious.

Some people are normal. You know, they have a spouse, sense of humor, connection to reality etc... And then there are some of my former co-workers. Here are a few:

There was the psychiatrist who would get so worked up that she threw charts at the offending clinician. Like two-inch plastic-bound paper charts.
Of course, if you've ever attempted to throw tissues, or scarves, then you have experienced the same level of aerodynamics as these charts. They rarely made a direct hit with their intended target. Instead, they usually ended up flapping in the air and twirling a few times before crashing to the floor in a lavish ploof! of psycho-social assessments and diagnostic axes.
But just the same. she scared the CA-rap out of us. And then we got paperless charts. I wonder if she threw computers.

There was a nurse I worked with who claimed to have taken out her own tonsils. I thought this absurd declaration carried as much validity as her story of putting a pitch-fork completely through her right foot. Then I met her husband one day. I learned that not only were both stories absolutely true, but I also learned that she insisted on sleeping with a fully-loaded Beretta under her pillow at night. Apparently she fears intruders almost as much as she fears doctors.

Lastly there was the spunky clinician who like to mow her yard at night. Both because it was cooler and she worked second shift and didn't want to get sweaty before coming into work. We worked late. Sometimes when all hell broke loose we wouldn't get out until an hour past our scheduled shift change. That put her back at her center-hall colonial at around 1:30a.m. Her biggest complaint was that her neighbors often called the cops on her. She said it wasn't so much the noise level in the early morning but the lights that bothered them. Light?! What lights? you ask...the headlights of her car she had to blaze to see where she was mowing. of course.

thwump

2011-09-12T18:42:00.004-04:00

There are few things sadder than the sinking realization that the
"Thwump!!"
you just heard
was a bird
hitting the window.

Unless you are in a locked psychiatric unit when you hear it.

In my other lives, before I was an Iowa housewife, I worked in three psychiatric hospitals. In three different states. Two of the three hospitals had large windows in the common area or "day room" as we called these parts of the psych ward. The third hospital was a converted nunnery annexed to a down-town Catholic hospital. Small rooms, austere conditions, small windows...those nuns. But the other two...HUGE windows. Now in most instances, you can count on some pretty common elements in hospital day rooms: heavy vinyl couches (read: hard to throw at you), shelves of partial board games and puzzles with missing pieces, and big tinted windows.

This windows serve a lot of function because most patients in the hospital had chemical imbalances. The effects of these imbalances could be lessened by insuring that people got healthy food, plenty of restful sleep, timely medication dosing, maybe a little exercise, and exposure to light...But we were a locked unit. So instead of a walk outside, most people got to sit in the sun in front of large windows...But these patients also had a right to privacy. Without their consent, the staff couldn't even confirm or deny their presence in the unit. So how do you solve the privacy issue? Dark tinting on these floor-to ceiling windows so that the light streams into the day room, while keeping visibility from the outside to a minimum. It kind of turned them into giant mirrors.

Too bad for the birds.
I guess these glistening, mirror-like expanses were just too irresistible on sunny days.
One day in particular I was sitting next to a patient in crisis. She was having intrusive, well-planned thoughts of ending her life. And it was my job to sit next to her and make sure she did not complete her plans on my shift. We discussed the pain of life circumstances, and I fought to add some perspective and hope into the conversation. We talked off and on for most of the afternoon. As we discussed the beauty in the struggle to find meaning in pain...

"Thwump!!"

and it slid down the glass,
sending up a rustle as it landed in the ivy below...lifeless.

We sat in silence after that.

And I have no answers. No answers for the smashed bird. No answers for what's going on in our live right now. Sometimes life is absurd and darkly humorous. Sometimes I'm the bird.

Never Once...

2011-09-07T15:05:00.003-04:00

Never Once by Matt Redman
(click the title to listen)

Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own

You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace

Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise

I love this song, so I had to share it.
I love the truth that is shared, because it's that Truth that we're walking in these days.
The sure knowledge of God's presence.

I'm not sure why it seems to take tragedy and heartbreak to KNOW His presence and love...I just know that in the dark times of loss and pain, it is then that I have a greater experience of the closeness of God and witness His peace and grace.

And in these uncertain days...we know that He is faithful...and he is here.

Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
As they pass through the Valley of Weeping,
they make it a place of springs;
the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
They go from strength to strength,
till each appears before God in Zion.
-Psalm 84

Loose Ends

2011-08-31T16:22:00.002-04:00

This week has been full of checking off little boxes on my to-do list.
Like having the carpet installed down in our basement.
And finishing the baseboards down there.
And filling out more job applications.

There are still loose ends...like actually FINDING a job that I can physically do (after the run in three years ago with a poop-covered 4 year old.)

And the husband finding a job.

And whether or not we are going to stay in our home (with newly repaired basement)

And deciding if we are going to proceed with the adoption.

But I'm trying not to think about those big scary loose ends...

So I'll focus on these:
like the little hat I finished over the weekend:

and the fun Hawkeye-inspired headwrap I made:

to match this cowl:

And the other headwrap I made and gave away yesterday
(because purple is hot this fall):

And the project I'm working on that looks a lot like this:

But it's for my Dad...and he gets to see it first.
So let's just say it looks like the afghan above.
And that's where I'll be focusing my efforts tonight.
Well, that and making pizza.

like fear

2011-08-29T10:00:00.000-04:00

"No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear."

- C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed

Shameless plug

2011-08-27T16:28:00.003-04:00

Happy Saturday Everyone!
I'm spending mine covered in yarn.
Most of you know that I have an etsy shop.
I'm putting any profits directly into our adoption fund.

Well this post is to let everyone know that I'm doing a giveaway when my Facebook page gets 250 "likes." Were just a few away, so if you haven't like it, you should. And if you already have...you should share the news!

And what am I giving away? Glad you asked!

I'm giving away a Women's size Rosemary headwrap

in True Gray and Dusty Purple.

(a $23.00 value.)

Just head over to my facebook page, click "like", share the news, and be on the lookout for the giveaway!

Baby crafts

2011-08-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

Pinterest has been a great addiction...I mean DIVERSION...the last few weeks.
And some of the patterns, ideas, and tutorials are too great to keep to myself.
So here are some of my most favorite baby crafts:

This Baby Boy Onesie (complete with pattern download) is utterly adorable.

This little bunny is from a free pattern found on the Lion brand website...
now if only I knew how to knit!

A template for this adorable birdhouse can be found here!
Baby shower favors anyone?

And last but not least, a tutorial on turning old t-shirts
into SMOOSHY stuffed bunnies....
because who can have too many stuffed bunnies?

What Has Helped

2011-08-25T10:00:00.001-04:00

We have been blessed over the past few weeks.
Blessed to have family and friends reach out and risk awkward conversations.
(Because talking to someone who's grieving is kind of like using the native language in another country....you're probably going to say something wrong, but the effort will be appreciated.)

To those who called, wrote, took us out for coffee and offered moments of grace in some dark and lonely days...thanks.

I give to you, as an antidote to yesterday's post, practical ways to bless someone who's hurting:
(from personal experience...not everyone will agree...see foreign language reference again)

Use the phone. In an age where electronic blips on a screen fill our days, to actually hear someone's voice with the context of emotion...it means a lot.

Get us out of the house. Offers to go to a movie, a walk in the park, coffee, free pie day at Perkins...felt like freedom. Got the endorphins flowing and reminded us that there is life outside our four walls. And the not-so-subtle reminders that we are remembered.

True reminders of who God is. Like, from scripture, not refrigerator magnets. I have been blessed with a few friends who have built their life on a biblical worldview and can sing His Truth back to me, when I forgot the tune.

"straight cash homie" Okay, so it might be tacky to mention, but for reals...when someone showed up on our step with a fat envelope of Benjamins...that ministered to my soul in a way no e-mailed condolence ever could. I looked down and thought, "that's our food and power bill this month." Personal tragedy usually comes with a side order of financial stress in our culture. Poor health...how about some six-figure medical bills? Loss of a child...accompanied with funeral and burial expenses that hardly any young couple is prepared to shoulder. Infertility...parenthood just got 10x more expensive. So I wonder why we only seem to throw showers for the happy occasions of birth and marriage? Our deepest needs are often in our saddest hours.

ice cream. seriously. DQ soft serve ice cream delivered to our door step. I'd call that a stroke of divine inspiration.

Prayer. People have asked for specifics and I have offered them. Since you asked: jobs, a new church, a fixed house, a smooth adoption, and physical health. There were moments where I felt the grace of Christ and the prayers of others were the only things holding me up and if you have never felt utter dependence on God then man, you are missing out.

Follow up. It's been almost six months and I often feel like someone gaining my footing after an explosion. (or what T.V. tells me the epicenter of a bomb blast looks like...you know, all muffled and swirly.) Our little life crisis is still going on and its nice to not be forgotten.

Where We've Been

2011-08-24T14:16:00.005-04:00

We went on a whirl-wind road trip.

And while visiting with safe and dear friends, we started talking about the hurtful things people...Christians in particular....say when someone is in a time of suffering.

We've had a lot of first-hand experience with that over the past 6 weeks. With both the suffering and the roll-your-eyes comments.

And I've learned a few things.

I'm learning that we have a tendency play the comparison game with our wounds. When someone else shares their heartbreak so often our response is to talk about a past hardship in our own life. This is not helpful. While it might be helpful for you to (mentally) draw upon your own past pain to empathize, speaking about your own experience in the moment puts up a wall, makes the situation about you and is ultimately not helpful for the person whose world is falling apart...now...in front of you. We don't need your stories at this time...we need you. To listen. To grieve. To offer support. To be present with us and share our burden.

I've found that Christians have a hard time accepting suffering. It's almost as if they want to yell, "the answer CAN'T be NO!" Well guess what? God answers prayer...and sometimes that answer is no. We talk a lot about what to do when bad things happening to good people, but when it really happens in front of our eyes...really sucky things...to people we know...we have a hard time accepting the brokenness of this world. Something awful DID just happen to you. And someone comes to your door with hands in the air (and those upturned hands *might* contain pitchforks and torches) it puts you, the wounded party in the role of consoler and mediator. And we probably have enough on our plate without adding -'talk the crazy lady on my doorstep down from the ceiling.'

People are quick to say, "Well honey (because there is always, always a "honey"), God doesn't give you any more than you can handle." And...I high five you. In the face. Sort of. Where is that malicious character of God revealed in the Bible? The idea that God strategically doles out hardship in exact balance seems uniformly cruel and manipulative. And that doesn't line up with a God who collects my tears in a bottle (Ps. 56), or promises to draw near to the brokenhearted (Ps. 34).

The message of the Gospel is that Christ saves. He has promised an eternity with Him and is preparing a home that we will share with Him. In the future. And that hopeful expectation can get twisted into an idea where EVERYTHING in the future MUST be to some degree or another better. And I've been hearing it a lot. "God must just have something better in mind for you." Better. By whose standards? And is the will of God so fine a line? Because I have to tell you, I think that getting a baby and keeping a job and NOT moving would have been pretty good. And I don't think that God's goodness is measured by how His blessing and provisions line up with my list of wants. God is good. period. Even if the future isn't how I desperately want it to look. Christ saves in the middle of the mess. He brings peace and joy that doesn't make sense to the world's eyes. And often Christians miss that blessing. Because we're too busy looking for better.

But mostly I've been learning that the words we offer to one another in times of pain are windows into our concepts of God. And it's scary. Most of the time our words of wisdom reveal a crucial lack of understanding of the LOVE of Christ. Personal pain also acts as a spotlight on our own paradigm of the Almighty, thrusting our beliefs into sharp focus. And with all the comparisons to Job getting thrown in our direction, I hope to get one thing right. That when faced with the big question of WHO GOD IS...I respond in like kind.

By clapping my hand
over my mouth
in silence.

Job 40

Then the Lord said to Job, “Do you still want to argue with the Almighty? You are God’s critic, but do you have the answers?”

Then Job replied to the Lord,“I am nothing—how could I ever find the answer. I will cover my mouth with my hand. I have said too much already. I have nothing more to say.”

Sweet

2011-08-12T13:27:00.002-04:00

This is what I have been doing the last two days...Ta Da!!
I think I finally got the last of the powdered sugar off of my kitchen floor,
and there is so much left over frosting in my fridge. So much.

All these goodies are for a sweet little girl's 1st Birthday.
A garden tea party...How fun is that?

So I've had a lot of fun, amidst all the sugar, making these sweet treats
so celebrate a sweet little girl.

What are you up to this weekend.
I hope it's sweet :)

Will

2011-08-08T17:55:00.002-04:00

I bought more children's books today.

It was my own personal act of defiant faith in the midst of more obstacles.

Our social worker told me that the debacle at the church (getting fired) could not have happened at a worse time. She gave me the rundown of all the steps we had completed over the past nine months (as if I had forgotten) and then said that literally all she had to do was print out the paperwork. And we would have been ready to go on the waiting list.

So we'll go ahead and get all the paperwork officially completed. And then wait.

Some more.

Wait to find a new job...new life...then pick up where we left off.

And eventually we will have a child. And I say that through clenched teeth. A statement of determination. We WILL have a child....darn it. Because it seems like biology and life circumstance are conspiring up on us. And it might be easier to give in. I have fleeting thoughts of...maybe we'll just keep all the money for ourselves, keep an impeccable house, love on other people's children, and be one of those sweet old couples that people whisper about behind their backs because "they just never had any children of their own."

But then I think about the small half-filled book case in the second bedroom.
I think about Christmas mornings with footie pajamas, pizza parties and sleeping bags in the living room, sprinklers in the front yard with grass-stained little toes. And I know...

Through all the tears, empty bank accounts, mountains of paperwork, and waiting. We feel a deep calling to parent. To lead by daily example. To love unconditionally and die to ourselves. And what is now said as a mantra to get through the hard stuff will one day be a hopeful call of expectation.

"We will have a child."

Friday Finds

2011-08-05T10:00:00.000-04:00

I came across some really interesting articles and fun stuff this week

and didn't want to keep it all to myself.

Happy Weekend!

Animals with British Accents...totally made my morning!

This article changed how I speak to my five nieces and all little girls.

Great article on parenting, err OVER-parenting.

Fascinating look at where children sleep.

What type of love keeps a marriage together.

We celebrate our 7th anniversary with pink lemonade cupcakes!

Update

2011-08-03T13:33:00.002-04:00

This has not been a good week.

All the stress has built up and we're both pretty on edge this week.

After waiting to hear from the Director of our adoption agency, it's their recommendation that we complete our home study. Basically that means that we fill out a questionnaire on line listing our openness to certain conditions with our child's birth mother. (Which is heart-wrenching by the way...how do you decide about things like mental illness, drug addiction, drug exposure, physical deformities, access to health care...uuuggg.)

And then we send in a big fat check. Uggg. have we mentioned that we currently have no income... And our basement needs to me fixed (sooner so we can sell our house as opposed to later as we had planned)...And the money that WAS in our savings was about HALF of what we will need if we ever DO eventually get to adopt.

We were so close.
And it feels like someone died.
We lost our "imagined child" again.

So I guess the plan is to go ahead and finish our Home Study, knowing that it will never accurately depict our life. Then when we do find another job, another home, another church, another support system, we will fill out another fat check for a home study update.

In the mean time, if anyone has expertise in drywall finishing, matching orange-peel texture, painting, carpet re-installation, trim-work, or carpet cleaning...hit us up.

Seven

2011-07-29T13:44:00.002-04:00

It's been seven years since he gave me his last name.
What a true blessing you are,
my best friend.
My biggest encourager, yet not afraid to challenge me to be better.
You give the best hugs and make awesome stove-top popcorn.
I love it when you laugh and your eyes disappear.
You are the hardest worker I've ever known.
And care so much for others.
Your commitment, loyalty, and steadfastness
are my safe place to rest in.
And as we face more challenges, more disappointments,
more uncertainty.
there's no one else on this earth
I'd rather have by my side.
I love you,
my husband.

Beautiful Deals

2011-07-27T14:51:00.003-04:00

I recently came across the blog How About Orange?
It's from Jessica Jones, a graphic and textile designer.
Her blog is filled with free downloads and visually beautifully treats that have me wishing for a better printer.

Some of my favorites are the Argyle Business Cards,

the Printable Alphabet Bunting,
(which I'm thinking would be perfect in a sweet little nursery)

Cup Wrappers,
So Sweet!

I loved looking through this blog and I hope you do too!
(all images via How About Orange)

Rain

2011-07-25T16:27:00.006-04:00

Some days are hard.
Today is one of those.

My house seems too quiet.
And the little books on the bookshelf are lined up a bit too neatly.
The kitchen floor is clean and shiny.
And our changing table is sitting in the garage.
Instead of in the second bedroom with baskets of baby socks tucked underneath.

Last week was when we were supposed to work on the nursery.
And we would have been officially on the waiting list.

Instead, we are here. Jobless. Looking for a new church. Wondering how we will pay to fix our house, pay our bills, and finance our adoption. I'm feeling kind of ambushed and betrayed, and in darker moments....a little bitter.

Not all the time. In the weeks since Nathan was fired, friends and members of the church have been very sweet. Reaching out with gifts and words of encouragement and friendship. Family has visited and been a welcome distraction.

And while we grieve the loss of our dream...
again.

It's hard not to compare.
Two beautiful, Godly friends have welcomed little ones into their growing families
and some have announced their pregnancy in the last two weeks.
We celebrate with them...but it's still hard to be reminded of what we don't have.

On Facebook and T.V. it seems everywhere I look I see people who aren't following Christ, making harmful decisions with their precious children.
And I find myself comparing again.

REALLY God?! These people are making horrible choices, creating chaos and stress...Don't you know I would make a GREAT mother? I would use cloth diapers and I wouldn't even use a crib bumper!!

But things don't always work out the way I want them. I sometimes think that because I do good things, because I try to follow Christ, that I "deserve" to have a family, I "should" have an easy life.

When Matthew 5 tells me that,

"He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good,
and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous."

I love Matthew 5. The beatitudes, all those blessings, and the sermon on the mount. But then down there at the end of the chapter it gets a little sticky. "Love your enemies" and all that stuff. I have always looked at this passage one way. That God sends both good and bad things on both good and bad people.

Thinking about it this weekend, I saw it differently. I realized that I have always seen rain as a bad thing. Rain cancels concerts and floods my basement and leaks through my kitchen ceiling (which happened this weekend btw.) Rain destroys the nice things I had planned and gets in my way.
It also makes very annoying spots on my glasses.

But Jesus delivered this sermon on a mountain in Israel, which from what I can gather has a different climate than here in the Midwest. Rain to them was probably a good thing. A necessary and unpredictable blessing that filled their wells and watered their crops and flushed out the ditches.

So maybe seeing the clouds gather over the land of the wicked was as hard for those early Christians as watching "Teen Mom" is for me.

And maybe when I see God's blessings in the lives of Non-Believers, it can be a sweet reminder that my God is gracious. He gives with a wide cast of His hand and with unmerited favor. That babies and love and providence are not only for those who are currently calling on His name.

So I'm resting in that same Grace. Holding out for our rain, and a little bit of His sunshine to come our way. And when I see blessings in the lives of others, trying to remember that it's simply evidence of a giving God who loves to bless His children.

It doesn't make the pain of our current frustrations go away, won't fill our bank account or our empty nursery. But it gives me a surer, clearer understanding of the One in whom my future rests.

no good thing

2011-07-15T11:41:00.002-04:00

This is a prayer shawl that I made for our baby's birth mother.
Don't know who she is yet.
But I planned to finish it just as we got on the waiting list for adopting.

Then my husband was fired.
And we're not adopting any time soon now.
So it sits, on the back on the chair.
Waiting....just like we are.

We wait to find jobs, make new plans,
wait find a new community of faith.

And in the waiting, good-hearted people keep telling me, telling us that maybe God had a reason for making things turn out this way. That maybe Nathan had to lose His job so that God could bring the perfect baby to us later. To keep trusting Him and then He will bless us in the future.

And maybe they're right.

But I don't think God's will is that narrow. We could adopt tomorrow and that would be beautiful...or years from now. I think His Best is that we follow Him and seek His face no matter what pain is thrown at us.

Though this world is fallen and sucky some times. He is good and can plant blessings in the middle of hardship.

And sometimes, obedience to God and walking with Him is a blessing unto itself.
Not waiting for some jackpot payoff of OUR desires sometime in the future.
But grasping the peace and love and comfort that life with Him brings.

The Lord will withhold no good thing
from those who do what is right.
-Psalm 84:11

Perspective

2011-07-12T13:49:00.002-04:00

God is good...but our current circumstances suck.

There's no getting around it.

And even though scripture tells me that God is not unfair...the world around me sure seems unfair.

And when people try to offer comforting words about the "one time a few years ago my husband got laid off too"...I have to tell you. It really doesn't help. I appreciate the effort, really, I do.

But according to the Stress Scale...we should be dead by now.
Because in the last three years, we:

Struggled financially
Lived in a stressful neighborhood
Had someone break into our home
Had someone break into our car
I was Partially Permanently Disabled
Struggled with a VERY frustrating worker's comp. circus
Moved a few states away
Moved again
Got a mortgage for the first time
Had a flood in our basement which was NOT covered by insurance
Grieved any future biological children= infertility
Went through 9 months of adoption paperwork
Was fired
Adoption put on hold

That's a score of around 500 on a scale of 1 to 300.
Losing a spouse is 100.

So I say all this to give our current circumstances a little perspective. And this is just getting ridiculous. God is good, and He will take care of. I'm pretty sure He won't let us go homeless. And EVENTUALLY we will be parents. And one day we will look back on all this and see how His hand of protection and guidance has been over us the whole time.

But if you are going to complain to me about your stretch marks, or the one time you couldn't go on vacation when you wanted to...you should probably keep it to yourself.

Flailing

2011-07-07T19:16:00.002-04:00

"Sometimes I ride a bucking faith

while one hand grips

and the other flails the air..." -Annie Dillard

We're sad.

We got back from a trip to Maine, did laundry, cleaned house, and settled back into life. Camp next week. My parents coming out to get the nursery ready as we were nearing the completion of our 9 months of adoption paperwork.

Nathan headed out Wednesday morning and started his day with a morning meeting. Then our world fell apart. He was fired. And with the church's non-disclosure agreement that's about all we can say about that.

What I can tell you is what that means to us.

We're sad. Heartbroken, really. Not just for the lives of the youth we poured into these past two years. Not just because of the friendships we've seen just starting to take root. Not just because we have a mortgage and no income. But also because after 5 years of trying to start our family, 9 months of paperwork and bills, we were a week or so away from being on the waiting list....our future as a family is up in the air.

So what does this mean? First of all, we need friends, and encouragement...and prayer. For wisdom in how to move forward with adopting our future child. For discernment in future plans. For provision, as we try to stay in our house, repair our basement, afford adoption fees.

We serve a big God who have promised He won't let our foot slip, He will renew our strength, He will take care of our needs like the ravens and lilies, and is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.

But right now, we flail a little.

I Love My Home

2011-06-30T10:00:00.000-04:00

And while it not perfect...
and may not be exactly the way I would want it to be...

It is such a blessing and comfort.
And I will appreciate it for what it is...
and not focus on what it is not.

Though HGTV would lead me to believe otherwise.

I love my home.

And what I love most about my house...
is who I get to share it with.

For the Love of Basil

2011-06-28T10:00:00.000-04:00

I love fresh Basil.
I love is so much I lurve it!

But it's always a bummer to pay $2.88 for a little package that has the life of a fruit fly.

and sometimes they collect fruit flies...that last longer that the basil.

So when our local grocery store has small pots of Basil for $2.50 I thought I'd try to see if I could manage to NOT kill it. And if history repeated itself and my container garden turned into a container cemetary, I would pick a few leaves and call it good, having spend the same as the little plastic containers from a few states over.

Well...imagine my surprise when my little plant thrived...it's turning into a shrub. And blossoming! Did you know Basil had flowers!

I've heard that Basil doesn't do so well for more than a season and I can expect it to die by fall...so in the meantime I'm loving fresh picked basil in EVERYTHING.

and Nathan's learning to love the smell of Basil on his wife's fingers :)

Ordering my Prayer Life

2011-06-24T14:45:00.002-04:00

"I have told you these things,
so that in me you may have peace.
In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world."
-John 16:33

I first learned that verse as a song in children's church...any else? So that powerful verse been running through my head ever since I turned that card over earlier this week. See I have cards...two sets. The first set is a set of memory cards...and these cards have songs that go along with them. I'm hiding these truths in my heart with hopes of helping our future little one know and love His word.

The second set of cards are Character Traits with working definition of Godly characteristics and scripture verses that go along with them. I pray that these traits might be evident in my life, in our family, and in the heart of our future child. This past week I've been loving the definitions for these three characteristics:

Obedience: freedom to be creative under the protection of divinely appointed authority

Patience: accepting a difficult situation from God without giving Him a deadline to remove it

Contentment: realizing that God has provided everything I need for my present happiness

A Baby Shouldn't Have a Job

2011-06-23T10:00:00.002-04:00

Babies shouldn't have jobs.

They arrive in this world, screaming.
To sleep, to eat, to cry..and hopefully they learn to trust
that the big people in their life
have their best interest at heart
and will bring good things
when the make their tiny voices heard.

That's all.

A Baby can't heal a hurting marriage.
He/she can't bring worth to someone struggling to find an identity.
A Baby won't make the pain of infertility magically disappear.

Because he/she was never meant to. Babies aren't supposed to have jobs.

Of course, our personal journey to creating a family came through the fire of infertility.
But that is a separate piece from adoption.
We will always have scars, we will always be infertile.
But that is separate.
Healing that pain and walking through that grief is OUR job.
As we let all that go, our arms are free to embrace what is.

And I have a sneaking suspicion that it will be better than we can even imagine.
As long as we make sure our baby doesn't have a job.

Turkey Tacos

2011-06-23T10:00:00.001-04:00

I love Curtis Stone...
but not for the reason you're probably thinking :)

I love his recipes, healthy, full of fresh ingredients, yet they still resemble food I'm used to (read: my husband will still eat). So I was happy to see that he recently joined forces with a local grocery store. While I don't shop at that particular grocer, the recipes on-line and in their magazine are perfect for summer. And the two that I've tried...have been spot on.

So here's a fabulous Taco recipe. I've made some tweaks, so you can view the original recipe here.
Lettuce-Wrapped Turkey Tacos

2 T. olive oil
1/2 white onion, diced
3-4 cloves garlic, minced
1 T. fresh oregano
1 T. Cumin
2 tsp. chili powder
1 tsp. salt.
1 lb. ground turkey
6 lettuce leaves
1/2 red pepper, diced
1/2 tomato, diced
1/2 C. low-fat sour cream
3/4 C. shredded cheddar cheese

Heat olive oil in large skillet over Med. Heat. Add onions and cook 3-4 min. until they start to get translucent. Add garlic and cook until fragrant. Stir in spices. Add ground turkey and break up as you stir. Cook until browned.

To assemble tacos, place 1/3 C. turkey filling in center of each leaf, top with cheese, sour cream, peppers and tomatoes and fold.

Blanket for Baby

2011-06-21T10:00:00.000-04:00

"The secret of patience
is doing something else in the meantime."
-Anon.

In my case, that "something else" has been nesting.
And crocheting.
A lot of crocheting.

The pattern is a Crochet Shell Stitch Baby Blanket done in Bernat Satin.
and the border is from another pattern, the Delicate Web Wrap.
I did it in this great sage green,
and added an extra row of half-double crochet stitches
around the border to create more cupped shells.

I'm SO pleased with how it turned out...
and since it's for someone very special, I wanted it to be perfect :)

Books for Baby

2011-06-20T13:21:00.002-04:00

So here's my new favorite thing:

collecting children's books for our future baby.
We're up to over 60...so I think I need to slow down a little.

In the nursery, our baby has a travel system, a changing table,
and an ever-filling book case.

But here's the great thing...
I haven't paid over $.88 for any of the gems in my collection.
In fact, a lot of the books are from our local Salvation Army,
where books are 6 for a dollar.

And because I like to share my bargains, here are some of my favorites:
Some classics,

Books we had in our house when I was growing up:

Newer Classics:

the Berenstain Bears, Madeline, and Curious George

Dr. Seuss,

Some of my favorite Reading Rainbow books.
Miss Rumphius and the Little House
are probably two of my all-time favorites.

Caldecott Honor Books.

MORE Caldecott Honor books,

and Little Golden Books :)

I have LOVED finding them,
and then coming home
and re-reading these beloved books,
dreaming of the day when we will turn these pages
with our little person in our laps.

Sweet Strawberries

2011-06-20T10:00:00.000-04:00

Technically speaking, I guess we really have a few days til Summer gets here. But in my book, summer's ushered into my house when Strawberries are in season :)
And when they are marked down to $.99 I kind of go crazy.

I ended up buying enough to make around 12 jars of strawberry freezer jam.
And since I'm been saving my smaller glass jars ( from alfredo sauce, artichokes, and jelly) over the winter I'm ready to make homemade gifts that won't break the bank.

I get my strawberries from Aldi, and they had a pretty good selection. If your local Aldi's strawberries are looking pretty sad...try another grocery store that has a price-matching policy (like Wal-Mart) You can get better selection at the same low price.

Stuffed Tomatoes

2011-06-18T12:27:00.004-04:00

I'm so happy it's summer.
And while I don't like to turn on my oven when it's hot outside, this recipe is worth it.
I got the original recipe from a flier our local grocery store sends us, but then I tweaked the recipe some. This will become one of our summer staples...savory and flavorful, yet light enough to eat when you're hot.
I love it and hope you do to.

Stuffed Tomatoes

5-6 Med. tomatoes
6 slices of turkey bacon
1 8 oz. package Uncle Ben's wild and long grain rice
1 T. butter
2-3 cloves garlic, minced
1 green pepper, chopped
2 T. fresh parsley
Olive oil, for drizzling
1/4 C. grated Parmesean cheese

Preheat oven to 350*. Grease glass baking dish (not metal). Slice tops off of tomatoes. Using melon baller, scoop out and discard seeds. Scoop out pulp, chop into pieces, and set aside.

Cook bacon, drain, and crumble. Prepare rice according to package directions.

In Med. skilled over Med. heat, melt butter. Add garlic and cook 1-2 min. Stir in reserved tomato pulp, green pepper, sauteing 2 minutes. Stir in bacon, rice, and parsley.

Arrange tomatoes in baking dish and spoon filling into tomatoes. drizzle with olive oil and sprinkle with cheese. Bake uncovered for 15 min. at 350*.

mine.

2011-05-25T18:01:00.003-04:00

"When Hana first came from China, I used to rock her every night as she took her bedtime bottle. Like every other mother, I was determined that "mama" would be her first English word. So night after night, as she stared up into my eyes, I would ask, "Who am I?" and I would answer my own question: ma-ma. This continued for some nights; then finally she decided to speak. Not really expecting an answer, I asked her again, "Who am I?" To my surprise, Hana took the bottle out of her mouth, looked straight into my eyes, and said clearly, "Mine."

Patt Wadenpful from Thriving as An Adopted Family

Rhubarb, I've Been Waiting for You

2011-05-20T14:53:00.004-04:00

Ever since Amy directed me to this recipe, I've been dying to try it with Rhubarb. Sure, I've tried it with blue berries and apples, but I love rhubarb, so I was sure it would be even better. I think maybe it's the same Germanic genes that have me loving pickles, olives, and anything sour.

So I was so happy when a lady from my crochet circle (yes, I'm in a crochet circle...I know) was selling some of her rhubarb from her garden. I got two pounds and got right to work making cake.
How beautiful is rhubarb? My little point and shoot camera does not do it justice.

Big Crumb Coffee Cake with Rhubarb
(adapted from Smitten Kitchen)

for Rhubarb filling:

1 lb. rhubarb, washed and trimmed into 1/2 in. pieces.
1/2 C. granulated sugar
4 tsp. cornstarch
1 tsp. Cinnamon

Preheat oven to 325*
Grease 9x13 baking pan.
In large bowl, toss rhubarb with sugar, cornstarch and cinnamon. Set aside.

for Crumbs:

2/3 C. dark brown sugar
2/3 C. granulated sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt
1 C. butter, melted
3 and 1/4 C. all purpose flour

In large bowl, whisk sugars, spices, and salt into melted butter until smooth. Add flour a little at a time as crumbs become solid. Press into bottom of bowl and set aside.

for Cake batter:

2/3 C. sour cream
2 whole eggs
2 egg yolks
4 tsp. vanilla
2 C. flour
1 C. sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
12 T. butter, room temp. cubed.

in small bowl, stir together sour cream, eggs, yolks, and vanilla until smooth. Using mixer, mix flour, sugar, soda, powder and salt. Add butter and spoonful of sour cream mixture. Mix on med. til flour is moistened. Increase speed and mix for 30 sec. Add remaining sour cream mixture in two batches, beating for 20 sec. after each addition and scraping down sides of bowl. Save 1 C. of batter and reserve for later.

Scrape batter into greased pan. Cover with rhubarb and spoon reserved batter on top.

Break up crumb mixture and sprinkle over top.

Bake 55 min. or until toothpick comes out clean.
Allow to cool completely. (If you can restrain yourself...it will make your house smell GOOD)
You're welcome.

Project for Baby

2011-05-18T12:32:00.004-04:00

I stumbled upon an adorable website,
with great free download-able designs

She has alphabet flash cards.
So instead of the whole alphabet, I printed out a few...
do you see it?

So I'm planning on stringing these along the wall of our nursery,
to welcome our baby into our family.
Richardson is a good name to have, you know.

I also printed out the letters to our two possible first names,
(but those won't make an appearance til our little one does.)
Nathan thinks I'm weird, but I'm a planner, I tell you.

I LOVE these designs.
Vintage-looking, and in my favorite colors...
robins egg blue and olive green.
I think they will match the Nursery Set
I picked out.

Here are some close-ups of my favorite letters:
I is for icing

A is for adventure

O is for owls

the site also has cute cards...

and this adorable alphabet,
I plan to frame and use in the nursery.

So go check it out
and I hope you're inspired as much as I was!

That's All

2011-05-17T12:45:00.003-04:00

As we enter the time of waiting...
I don't want you to feel pity for us.
I have heard that sentiment expressed several times these past few weeks as I lay out our expected timeline for baby.

It won't be the typical 9 months, that is sure. It has already been 5 years. Eight months of paperwork behind us. Two more months til we are on the official list. And then another year or so of waiting.

And when people grasp that: what I share as hopeful (another year...really...that's all) most perceive as agony. And the frowns, pats on the back, "That must be awful!"s I encounter tell me that we (as culture and Church) do not do well with waiting.

There are days like yesterday, where I'm ready for the waiting to be over too. I told Nathan yesterday..."I'm ready for our baby. I need somebody to take care of." And of course, I'm so excited to have a little buddy to share meals with, take for walks, explore the library and parks. Someone to read books with and sing songs to. And tiny feet to tuck into footy pajamas before rocking them sweetly to sleep. Ready to pray over him/her, instead of praying FOR. Ready to discipline and set consistent boundaries (we even have our naughty step picked out). Ready to watch the world unfold before my baby's curious eyes.

But most of the time, I'm abandoned to the idea that my life is not my own. And therefore, I'm exactly where I need to be. We are where we need to be. When people look into my life, I want them to see joyful expectation, and peaceful confidence. Not someone who compares my life to others and demands my own way. Because we are blessed, and we will be blessed.

It just will take a bit of waiting, that's all.

All over but the waiting...

2011-05-09T16:41:00.003-04:00

almost.

We finished up our last meeting with our social worker on Wednesday. She got a quick tour of our house and then we sat chatting on our sofa for around the next 2 and 1/2 hours.

And our home study (from our end of things) is complete. Now we just have to wait another month to two months (she said it will probably be more like 2) for her to write up her thesis on us. Part of the home study is also waiting on our background checks to come back, fingerprints to clear, and doctor reports to be filed. Then I guess our homestudy will be officially be complete.

So once our homestudy is completed, the agency can begin to show our profile books to potential birth parents and we will be "on the list." This is the part of adoption called, marketing yourself. Weird. Yes. Necessary. Absolutely. I choose to look at it as, telling our story and sharing our lives with people who are making a heart-wrencing decision out of love for their unborn baby. So I'm trying to cover the whole thing in prayer and trust the God will do the matching...I've just got to best represent who we are.

I've had our profile books done since the end of February..so yeah..I like to plan ahead. I also have our slide show finished...iMovie has been my best friend last week :) Once we get the music approved, we can put it on YouTube and facebook. And then the last part will be writing our "Dear BirthMother Letter." This is the part I'm dreading and saving til last...we'll see how it goes.

So there you go, a little adoption update. We're waiting to be on the waiting list. And in the meantime...I'm neurotically updating our Target WishList. Reading books, and preparing for baby!!

2011-05-06T14:03:00.002-04:00

"Something still grows
inside a woman who doesn't conceive a baby.
In her grows
character that is
consumed with confidence,
humility and desire.
A symbolic embryo
that is hers to nurture
and others to behold.
And its birth is phenomenal."

-Courtney Kendrick

Book Basket

2011-05-04T13:02:00.002-04:00

I'm sharing one of my recent favorite gift ideas.
Did you know that my strongest love language is gifts?
Well, it is.
And we got the opportunity to love one of the newest members of our church.
One of the members of my Bible Study (We've been meeting since August)
recently returned from Africa with her ADORABLE son.
And our Bible Study gathered books for him.

It's pretty sparse now, since it was only our books at the time this picture was taken. However, by the time our class got done adding their books, this big basket was overflowing!

And I know that those books will become part of sacred, treasured moments between mother and child. Part of his growing vocabulary and their nightly rituals.

And with baskets and books,
we say Welcome Sweet Baby Boy!!

Happy Easter!!

2011-04-29T16:07:00.002-04:00

These were our beautiful flowers.
My Dad bought them for me when they were out.

We were blessed to have both sets of parents staying with us.
That is a first! It's only me second time hosting Easter dinner,
and the first time our parents had been together since our wedding...
almost 7 years ago!!

I consider that visit a dress rehearsal for when our baby comes :)
I'm guessing both sets of Grandparents will be out here around the same time.

And how cute is my husband?!
I'm so blessed to spend each day
with a man who has an Easter perspective each day,
a man who lives in the knowledge of his salvation,
and uses each day to share it with others.
We celebrate Christ's resurrection every week...
but this week we get ham!

First Baby gifts!

2011-04-25T16:12:00.002-04:00

Our parents came for a visit over the Easter Holiday.
And they both gave us gifts for our future baby.
I love it. And think I could get used to baby gifts :)

Like I have said before, sometimes, I can get too wrapped in all that it takes to adopt...paperwork, fingerprints, doctor appointments, home visits...
I forget that we're not JUST adopting, we're expecting.
a baby.
And babies should be spoiled.

Here is the future Grandmother putting the finishing touches on the quilt.
Detail of the sweet little birds. The fabric is called "My Happy Nursery." How cute is that?

and the finished product!!
I think this will be the living room quilt, and soon, there will be a little person in our house.
And now they have the perfect place for tummy time, and cuddling with a book.

And while I don't have any pictures, (and I wish I did have some pictures of my mom and dad struggling to fit the HUGE box in the back seat of the car) we were also very blessed with a travel system from the other grandparents. Because as my mom said, "they won't let you leave the hospital without a car seat."

So now we have a way to get our baby home, and a handmade quilt to bundle him/her in.
Because, there's a baby coming to our house, you know :)

twin cities

2011-04-14T14:25:00.002-04:00

I missed my husband terribly while we was away for two weeks,
leading two consecutive mission trips for Nashville.
So we decided to sneak away for a trip to Minneapolis
last weekend.

We ate cheese-filled hamburgers
that truly lived up to their names:
the Jucy Lucy.

We saw GORGEOUS flowers at the top floor
of the down-town Macy's.

And enjoyed every moment of it being
just the two of us.

Cheese Puffs

2011-04-04T17:15:00.004-04:00

Need an appetizer on short notice?

Here's my go-recipe for a savory snack. It calls for basic ingredients that I always have on hand, so it's perfect for last minute plans when I don't have time to run out for specialty ingredients.

Cheese Puffs

1/2 C. butter
1 C. water
1 C. flour
1/2 tsp. dry mustard
1 T. chopped chives
4 eggs
1 C. shredded cheese

Preheat oven to 375*. Grease cookie sheet. In 2 qt. saucepan over Med-High heat, melt butter and add water, stirring until mix boils. Remove heat and stir in flour all at once. Stir until smooth dough forms. Add dry mustard and chives. Once dough has slightly cooled enough to not cook the eggs, add the eggs, one at a time, stirring well after each addition until the dough is smooth. Add cheese into the batter and mix well. Drop dough onto cookie sheet in small balls, 2 inches apart. Bake at 375* for 30 minutes, or until golden. Turn off heat and leave in over for 15 minutes. (makes 20-24)

p.s. If you want to seem all fancy pants, you can call them Gougeres and tell people they are made from a Pate a Choux dough. And if you really want to BE fancy pants, try Martha's version.

Weaving

2011-03-25T12:33:00.002-04:00

Crocheting is a kind of weaving.
Wrapping and looping your thread one little stitch at a time
and slowly,
methodically,
a pattern emerges.
And something usefully is formed.

This weekend I'll be making a few things. A birthday gift, a few hats.

And my honey will be coming home to me after two weeks of rebuilding flood-ravaged homes down south. So there will be lots of stories to tell, lots of cuddling of couch to catch up on.

That's what I love about marriage. Days and years intertwining as memories are woven together. As our life is quietly formed.

Have a beautiful weekend.

Planning

2011-03-23T10:00:00.000-04:00

It's spring! Which in my house, means spring cleaning.

For the last several years it seems, Spring Cleaning has really just been a precursor to moving, paring down, prioritizing things that stay, etc. There's nothing like picking up everything you own, packing it, and finding a new home for each and every item in your house to force you to only keep what is necessary and important. So since, we are actually staying in the same home this Spring, I want this spring cleaning to be the continuation of a lifestyle of simplicity. Appreciating what we have, passing on what's unnecessary, and maintaining where we're blessed to live.

My spring cleaning list looks like this:

One thing to do each day for the next week or so and I should be done. And by done, I mean ready for family visitors or the home-study Social Worker (whoever comes first :).

I try to keep our home in relatively presentable shape all year long though. So for me, that means doing one thing each day. Here is my list that stays on our fridge to keep me in check:
I don't ALWAYS keep to this, but if I miss a few days, it's pretty easy to do two or three things in one day and still have a clean house without becoming easily overwhelmed. (and by cleaning the kitchen each day I mean floor swept, empty sink, clear counters.)

And lastly, I'll share what meal-planning looks like in our home. Since there's just the two of us for now, and our schedule is pretty fluid, it doesn't work to plan three entire meals per day of the week. Nathan has meetings a lot in the evenings, or things come up last minute. So for us, I plan 5 to 6 full dinners for each two-week period. I follow the "cook once, eat twice" motto, leaving left-over for another dinner, for Nathan to take to work, or to store in the freezer.

I keep a running list of those 5 to 6 meals and build a grocery list off of those. That way I only have to go grocery shopping every two weeks and always have a few ideas for dinner with available ingredients.
So if you're looking to get a little for structure for your planning. Here are some great printable lists for your home: check out Money Saving Mom's free downloads here.

Pies!

2011-03-22T12:17:00.005-04:00

I've been seeing pies everywhere. Are pies the new cupcakes?

The pie parade started this weekend with this movie. If you've never seen Waitress, it's sad, and quirky, and sweet, but I think I like it because of all the baking. All those deliciously sweet treats juxtaposed with Jenna's colorless marriage. I found a few websites where people actually made recipes for some of the unusually names pies. (My favorite name from the movie is the "I Can't Have No Affair Because It's Wrong and I Don't Want Earl to Kill Me" pie.)

And Martha has come out with a new cookbook all about pies, her show this morning was all about pies, both savory and sweet. She has me dreaming of rhubarb season, so I can make this and these.

So, with pies all around, I thought I would share one of my favorite pie recipes. It's from Williams-Sonoma and so lovely. I'm a big fan of the crust, not only because it's delicious, but because one recipe makes three crusts so I can keep two in the freezer.

Berry Galette
Adapted from Williams-Sonoma Food Made Fast Series, Baking, by Lou Seibert Pappas (Oxmoor House, 2006).
A food processor makes this flaky pastry dough in a snap. The recipe yields enough dough for three pies or galettes, such as this berry-filled galette.

Ingredients:

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. salt
24 Tbs. (3 sticks) plus 3 Tbs. unsalted butter, cut into cubes
3/4 cup ice water
4 cups blackberries, blueberries or a mixture
2 Tbs. fresh lemon juice
1/4 cup sugar
3 Tbs. flour

Directions:

-Mix the dough
In a food processor, combine the flour and salt and pulse briefly to mix. Scatter the butter over the top and pulse just until the mixture forms coarse crumbs about the size of peas. Drizzle the ice water over the flour mixture and pulse just until the dough starts to come together.
Transfer the dough to a work surface, divide into 3 equal pieces and press each into a flat disk. Set 1 disk aside and wrap the remaining 2 disks in plastic wrap for future use (see note above).

-Roll out the dough
Preheat an oven to 425°F. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.
Place the dough on a lightly floured surface and roll out into a 13-inch round. Fold the round in half, transfer to the prepared sheet and unfold the round.

-Fill and bake the galette
In a bowl, lightly stir together the berries, lemon juice, sugar and flour. Spoon the filling onto the dough, leaving a 2-inch border uncovered around the edge. Fold the edge up and over the filling, forming loose pleats. Bake until the filling is bubbling and the pastry is golden brown, about 25 minutes.

Transfer the galette to a wire rack and let cool slightly. Cut into wedges and serve. Makes one 9-inch galette; makes 3 pastry dough disks total.

Bourguignon that's easier to make than to spell.

2011-03-16T14:24:00.004-04:00

Here was my dinner last night: Yum.

It's a simplified version of the classic Beef Bourguignon I came across a few years ago when I still received Real Simple. While I muster up the courage to try Julia Child's masterpiece, this does the trick. If you attempt this quicker version for yourself, here are a few of tips to apply.

Dry your beef, get the oil hot, and depending on the size of your pan and chunks of beef, work in 2 to 3 batches so you can work up some really great caramelization.

Don't crowd your mushrooms. Just like the beef, I added them to the pan in batches.

Unless you want tears streaming down your face and to have onion fingers for the next three days, use frozen peal onions. I did not. I have onion fingers.

And if you want to send it over the top, serve your lovely stew on top of a dollop of Ina Garten's Parmesan Smashed Potatoes.

You're welcome :)

Spring Colors

2011-03-15T12:11:00.004-04:00

"an exotic journey" in yarn balls

image via

When it comes to authority in color, look no further than Pantone.
Their Spring 2011 collection is called an "exotic journey" and I love it.

I love it and as I looked through my creations and yarn stash piled around my home, I realized that I had EVERY color represented in either a creation, or a skein of yarn I loved and am saving to turn into something beautiful.

The collection contains a few neutrals, the Russet and Silver Cloud, but most selections are bright and vibrant like the Lavender, Honeysuckle, and Curacao. I'm ready for a little vivid color already, aren't you? So if I can't have it out my window, I'll take my color draped around my neck!

So, as I wait to welcome spring, I give you my top three picks
from my etsy shop.
(which got a little spring time make-over)

the Lillian hat in Lavender

the Emerson cowl in Watermelon

the Emma cowl in Light Aqua

Resources

2011-03-14T12:19:00.005-04:00

Happy Monday! Just wanted to share some resources I found over the last week or so. Enjoy!

Hidden in My Heart is an album of gentle lullabies, it's essentially God's promises set to stunningly sweet and simple music. What a wonderful way to send our little one off to sleep. And for every 10 CD's sold, they will donate one to local Crisis Pregnancy Centers. (Which is something pretty near and dear to my heart as I volunteered at a CPC for three years throughout college.)

Seeds Family Worship is a collection of family worship albums that sets Scripture to music with kid back ground singers. (some of the music is a little cheesy...but it's a few steps up from the Steve Green Hide 'Em in Your Heart tapes we used to listen to in Sunday School). Each album is filled with scripture verses with a theme: Courage, Character, Faith, Praise, and Purpose.
They also have scripture memory cards in a free download that correlate with each song in their collection. (I currently have Phil. 4:6-7 stuck in my head.)

Character Qualities I watch the Duggars on 19 Kids and Counting and have heard references to the 49 character qualities they work to develop in their daily interaction with their children. Well, I found a pdf file with corresponding scriptures from an outdated Duggar family website. I'm currently in the process of turning these into flash cards to pray over each morning.

Beautiful Simplicity: Revisited

2011-03-11T11:57:00.004-05:00

This is a repost I originally wrote in April of 2009.
Since then, a lot has changed.
We've moved two times, changed states, I quit my job to stay home and Nathan found a position and ministry he loves.
Instead of a small one bedroom basement apartment in the city, we live in a four-bedroom ranch house in a small Iowa town.
But as I make my list for Spring Cleaning, I find the same Truths:
::: :::

It's spring cleaning once again around here in the Richardson household. Sorting though the desk, cleaning the cupboards, paring down the closets. And you know what I'm finding: appreciation.

Surprising but true, as I take inventory of what we own I'm finding sweaters I forgot about, books I still have to read, more shoes than any person could really need. And I have to tell you, we live in a land, in an area of affluence, of opulence, of indulgence. And I have found in the year and a half that we have lived here: of want.

So I am cultivating and attitude of simplicity. Intentionally, and painfully. That deep yawning abyss within my person will NEVER be satiated with a larger home, a nicer sofa, more nail polish.

I live in the shadow of the larger WANT. I want. I will always want because I am not yet complete. I am not yet whole. His spirit and His grace is still at work in my life and my soul. So I live in the deeper wanting. I really want HIM.

So when the sneakier, smaller wants creep in to my thoughts, I try to remember that they are not what I should be focused on. They are crumbs falling from the feast and were never meant to satiate my hunger.

So this spring, this season, I'm trying to embrace what Oswald Chambers termed "the blessedness of possessing nothing." With open palms and a gracious heart to breath in the knowledge that everything, tennis shoes to family, are mine... but not really. I will always be left wanting. And that wanting serves a glorious purpose to draw me closer to what I am here in this earth to want. And in THAT pursuit find fulfillment.

Register

2011-03-04T10:59:00.002-05:00

My dear husband has told me that I can have an addicted personality sometimes.
He said this as I checked my facebook page for the 200th time that day.
Or something...
Anyway, I have a new addiction.

Baby registries.

AAhhh.

I know I probably have a while til I will have a use for the items in these growing wish lists, but what fun to plan and to dream. So in addition to the Targetlist (which is actually a wish list instead of an actual baby registry because you have to enter a due date....I have no idea when our baby will arrive!) anyway, in addition to the Target and Babies R' Us lists, I borrowed an idea from Amy and decided to register at Amazon.com.

I really need to stop, but it was so much fun looking at all the children's books that I remember from my childhood. When I think about some stories like the Snowy Day , the Little House, and the Ox-Cart Man I can still hear my parent's voice. And I love to think that I can read those same stories to our little one.

And there are new stories, and new books that I want to share with our baby, like this one, or this one.

We have the same book case that I had as a little girl waiting to be filled with new books, new memories....but seriously, the registering has to stop...if only it weren't so much FUN!

European dreaming

2011-03-02T16:17:00.002-05:00

J'adore this picture from WishWishWish.
I love all the pictures from her recent trip to Milan, actually.

Reminds me of a poster I used to have on my dorm wall by Ruth Orkin:

image via

And thanks for TCM's line up of great movies around the time of the Oscars,
I've been getting my fill of Italy through the Hepburns,
Audrey and Katharine, that is.

image via

With Roman Holiday, and Summertime on my DVR...Beautiful Blogs to look at...and this recipe on the menu this week, I'm getting my fill of Italy!!

So Hard

2011-03-02T10:45:00.003-05:00

A while back, Nathan announced to the congregation that we are adopting.

Since then, we've been getting lots of encouragement and inquiries from members of the congregation about the process. Every dinner, women's circle, chance meeting at the post office begins with, "How's the adoption going?"

And I like it. Just as other mothers give updates on their growing baby's progress, the latest doctor's appointment...I give updates too. Only our steps to growing our family include things like reference letters, home studies, and background checks. Each question is a reminder that we are on our way, making progress to our baby...and with those questions come the joyful reminders that people here are involved in our lives, and care for us.

And I like talking about our future baby. I can share in conversations about types of diapers. When I go to baby showers, I can come home and add some items to our baby's Targetlist.

So when I was at a recent Bible study, giving a quick synopsis of where we were in the adoption process, it kind of took me off guard when a sweet lady, furrowed her eyebrows and said, "It must be SO HARD...all this waiting." I paused and said, well, it's not so bad right now. Maybe it will be worse once we are on the official list."

I came home and rolled that interchange around in my mind. And I decided why I had a hard time answering that questions...

We've been waiting for over 5 years. Month after month of crushing disappointment and grief we bore silently...THAT was so hard.

Now we have tangible measurable progress toward our sweet little one.
We have the support of family far and friends near.
We have two utterly adorable names picked out (and we won't tell until he/she is in our arms!)
I have fabric for our nursery.
We have baby books on our coffee table.
We have new prayers: from "please let us be parents" to "help us be the parents we need to be."

This is a joyful time.

What I Have

2011-02-21T10:47:00.002-05:00

Our calendar is filling up again,
lots of really fun things...baby showers, dinners with friends, basketball games...
But Saturday, after an early meeting, and hosting another group,
we had a gracious reprieve,
and an afternoon and evening to ourselves.

It was glorious.

We watched movies, went shopping, ate grilled peanut butter and jelly (because I forgot to think about dinner until it was too late). Then we cuddled on the sofa in our very clean house.

And I tried to soak it all in.

Because it won't always be this way. Soon enough there will be sippy cups on every available surface, and tiny hand prints smudging the TV and glass doors. There will be feeding and sleeping schedules to work around, and a third opinion on everything.

It will be glorious, and I will try to soak in every moment with our growing baby.

But for now.
For this week.
I'm thoroughly enjoying what I have.

Ready for Spring

2011-02-17T14:31:00.003-05:00

You can usually tell what season it is by what colors are in my yarn basket.
Throughout the winter, it was deep browns, creamy whites and dreamy blues.

Now I'm surrounded by light greens, yellows, and rich kelly greens.
Hoping that the world outside my window will soon reflect the colors in my lap.

Because let's face it...the snow banks are brown and my grass looks dead.
So I'll focus on these green instead.

When you love me...

2011-02-14T11:18:00.002-05:00

I made this Valentine Video for my honey a few weeks ago, but thought I could share it here too.
I just really like him.

White Roses

2011-02-09T14:24:00.003-05:00

I Love Valentine's Day.
I Love Roses.
I Love the color white.
So it's no surprise that I'm drawn to white roses for Valentine's Day.

Their beautiful simplicity gets me every time.
And I've been seeing lots of white roses around.
Here are a few of my favorites:

This STUNNING cake from Amanda at I Am Baker...Love it.

These feminine flowers for your hair by emmersonmade.

Beautiful rose covered pillows.

and the Rosemary headwrap from my little etsy shop.

A Word from Miles:

2011-02-03T11:32:00.001-05:00

"This is my year suckers!"

"No, seriously...
this is MY YEAR."

Pretty Baby

2011-01-31T15:33:00.004-05:00

Things are humming right along as we gather our paperwork for our homestudy. Just a few more copies here, a little proof-reading here and we'll be ready to ship it off.

And in the midst of all the adoption STUFF (homestudy, profile books, meetings) it's easy to get preoccupied with where we are in the moment. To get focused only on what it takes to GET a baby. I'm trying to remember that we're expectant parents too and that there will soon (a relative word after 5 years :) be a baby here with us. To remember that I need to prepare to mother, not just adopt.

So I read Baby Care books, create a baby registry on line, glean from other mothers. Prepare. These are joyful and happy times...after so much uncertainty, we have a course charted and work to do, and a baby to bring home.

And then, a simple comment, or thought, sneaks up and sweeps me off my feet.

Last week it was during a conversation with a friend about another expectant couple. It was innocent, and truthful. She said, "Oh, they are so good-looking, they will have SUCH a pretty baby."

Because, of course, their baby will look like them.

BAM!!

It hit home. Our baby probably won't look like us.

::: :::

We would have made such a pretty baby.
And I always thought that with our recessive genes we were GUARANTEED to have a skinny little blue-eyed tow heads. I prayed they would get my dimples and Nathan's eyes.
But now, I'm learning to let those dreams go.

When I search the depths of our new-born's eyes, it won't be our genetics staring back at me.
Of course, our baby will be beautiful, and sweet, and loved beyond belief. They just might not LOOK like us. And I'm learning to embrace that.

I'll get to look for our heritage in other places.

When I see our baby crafting something out of nothing...that will be me.
When I see our little one laugh and act silly...that will be Nathan.
When I see him/her being a good friend, I will know that was us.
When our child is gentle and giving, it will be my reflection.
And when our darling is diligent, and hard-working, I will see my husband's impact.
When our baby folds their chubby little hands to pray...that is what we will pass on.

And we will know
that together,
we made SUCH
a pretty baby.

Anticipation

2011-01-21T12:06:00.002-05:00

...under the cloak of winter lies a miracle ...
a seed waiting to sprout,
a bulb opening to the light,
a bud straining to unfurl.
And the anticipation nurtures our dream.
- Barbara Winkler

Old Fashion/New Fashion

2011-01-19T14:49:00.003-05:00

I Love this post about vintage fashion from modern sources.
It's from Miss Moss and you should check it out.

Making MLK Mine

2011-01-18T16:36:00.004-05:00

I have always celebrated Martin Luther King Day.
I celebrate it like I celebrate Father's Day.
Every Father's day, I give reverence and memory to those it is meant to celebrate, but keep it at arms length. I make cards, make calls, but never make it MINE.

After all, I'm never going to be a Father, right?!

I sort of always felt the same way about Martin Luther King Jr Day.
Studied the history, watched the speech, thanked God that we've come as far as we have...but really...always felt it was for, well, for someone else.

Because I'm never going to be black, right?

Until last Thursday when we attended our first adoption training class. It was on transracial adoption. A class that most of us prospective parents probably rolled our eyes at when we heard the State of Iowa mandated training for ALL prospective parents. I've spent a good deal of time studying race relations and diversity in college. I think I reached a place where I recognize differences, celebrate that beautiful variety and find such sweet comfort in our overwhelming similarities. I know I still don't have it all figured out yet...but mandated training?

And then at one point in the class, our Social Worker mentioned that if and when we welcome someone of a different race into our family....we all become that culture. Her son had recently married an African American woman and she said, "we are now an African American family."

I might have an African American family some day.
Our family and extended family will be better and darker.
The sweet child I hold to my chest might one day be judged by the color of his/her skin.

As I heard the "I Have a Dream" speech yesterday I felt hot tears spring to my eyes as the powerful truth hit home. The fight for truth is mine and it is yours and it is ours.

And I no longer have to hold MLK day as a distance, because it is mine too.

Friday Freebie!

2011-01-17T11:09:00.003-05:00

Hey Blog friends.
Did you know that I have an etsy shop?
It's called A Piece A Cake (handmade made easy)
and it's filled with handmade crocheted goodness.
(and all the proceeds go toward our adoption fund)

I also have a facebook page for A Piece A Cake-etsy
and if I get 200 "likes" by this friday,
I have big plans to play a giveaway game
where I'll be giving away one of these:

That's right, one of my most popular cowls (the Evelyn Cowl in Cream)
could be yours...for free. Just make sure to "like" my face book page to be eligible. Then stay tuned on facebook this Friday to play the giveaway game.

Just a little more on the subject

2011-01-14T13:31:00.002-05:00

We had our first adoption training a few days ago. I walked away with two main points:

-All adoption starts with some losses. Own them, grieve them, celebrate the wins.

-As parents it is our responsibility to advocate for our children.

So, I'm starting my preparing the environment our baby will be brought into. Preparing by educating myself and educating those around us. Because while it might temporarily hurt my feelings when someone calls my baby's birth mother his/her "Real Mother" I'm more concerned about what impact that title might have on my developing, precious, child.

Please take the time to read this beautiful article by Becca. Here are some of my highlights:

"Another small difference in wording can be heard when I say that my son was adopted. Not is adopted, but was adopted. That may seem like a minor detail, but small words carry great meaning. Adoption shapes a child and a family, but it does not define them entirely. It is simply a way of forming a family. Just like your child was born in 2005, my son was adopted that year.

So if we want to, we will explain that James was adopted. Like all other families, we love to tell the story of the day that our son joined our family. More often, though, I don’t mention it at all. It is rarely relevant to the conversation at hand. When you introduce your child, you don’t say, “this-is-my-conceived-by-invitro-son” or my “oops-she-was-an-accident daughter.” The method by which you became a family is simply not important in most conversations. The same is true of our family. Yes, James joined our family through adoption. Yes, we are very proud of that detail. But there is rarely a need to distinguish our family from others."

Expectation

2011-01-14T12:16:00.004-05:00

Someone called me an expectant mother yesterday...it made my day.

My husband and I are expecting...we are expecting a miracle.
We are expecting God to show up and provide the huge tab for our adoption,
we expect mounds of paperwork,
we expect to feel picked on (no one else has to answer essay questions to become parents),
we expect to wait,
we expect to wait some more,
we are expecting a birthmother somewhere out there to find us worthy of raising the child growing within her,
we expect the joy of that call from the social worker telling us we've been selected,
we expect an awkward first meeting with her,
we expect such beaming pride in introducing our sweet newborn to friends and family,
we are expecting lots and lots of handmade baby hats,

we are expecting the grace and strength to parent our child. We expect sorrow, and joy, sweet moments, and frazzled nights of crying. And lots, and lots, and cuddling.

But we are not just expecting...we are expectant.

ex·pect·ant Adjective

Having or showing an excited feeling that something is about to happen, esp. something pleasant and interesting
- an expectant conference crowd
(of a woman) Pregnant
- an expectant mother

We are the first kind of expectant
will you join us? will you pray for us?

Because something is about to happen!

The Power of Words

2011-01-09T22:11:00.006-05:00

*the following is from the Bethany Christian Services website...we're changing our vocab to accurately reflect the love and respect we have for the adoption process...will you join us?

The words we use reveal as much about us and our values as they do about the situations that we are trying to describe. Our views, experiences, biases, and assumptions are intrinsically woven into the words we use to communicate every day.

The language of adoption is full of expressions we have “always heard” and all too often use. These expressions shape the perceptions of both the people who use them and the people who hear them. They convey our values and biases, and they can encourage or interfere with communication.

...The simple choice of words can reveal our views and communicate a great deal to a listener.

Rather than...
Real parent(s)
Natural parent(s)
Unwed mother
Real child
Illegitimate child
Put up for adoption
Give up for adoption
Is adopted
Keep a child
Hard to place child
Unwanted pregnancy
Find parents
Foreign adoption
Adoptee

We suggest...
Birthparent(s), Birthmother, Birthfather
Biological parent(s)
Single parent
Birthchild
Child of unmarried parents
Make an adoption plan
Choose adoption
Was adopted
Parent a child
Child with special placement needs
Unplanned, unintended, or untimely pregnancy

Search for birthparents
Intercountry adoption
Someone who was adopted

He Can Do This

2011-01-06T10:00:00.001-05:00

I say I have faith...but then so did the disciples.

They left their lives, families, everything familiar to follow Jesus.

You have to believe with firm roots, if you are planning to intentionally pull up all your other stakes in life. And they did. Left careers, left boats, and followed.

They followed Him as He taught crowds of thousands, healed, and built the new Kingdom. They followed Him into a little boat across a lake and into a huge storm.

When they feared for their lives, they turned to their sleeping leader pleading for Him to save them. And Jesus said they had little faith.

Enough faith to plead and beg Him to save their lives...
not enough faith to trust Him without fear. To let Him sleep, trusting that they would be watched over.

I've read this story so many times I can't even tell you and I always thought Jesus rebuked them because they didn't believe He had the power to save them. But now I read this wondering if their faith was diminished and they were admonished because they lacked the trust that Jesus would USE His power to care for them.

Well, our little family is in a boat of a different kind.

Were headed down the journey of adoption, and while there are enough hurdles to overcome, enough storm clouds on our horizon, the big waves tossing our ship right now are about finances.

It's expensive.
And scary.
It's scary expensive.

I say that God will provide, and in my heart I have faith He will...but I still worry. I'm still afraid. I still wrestle with thoughts of,"It's not fair...no one else has to..."

So maybe the true sign of faith,
the true example of trusting
that God both HAS the power and resources to care for us...
and will USE it for our good
is peace.

He that can do this,

can do any thing,
which encourages confidence and comfort in him,
in the most stormy day,
within or without
-Matthew Henry

More Green...Less Procrastination

2011-01-05T16:20:00.005-05:00

It's a new year.
I'm keeping my resolutions simple this year.
But I'm making them just the same. Doing my part to make this year better.
Last year had some sucky times...not everything was horrible...
but still, some parts just sucked.
I have the sneaking suspicion I'm not alone.
Ready for something new.

So this year...more green.
I kind of let my vegetable consumption dwindle in the last few months.
I need to eat more green.

and...less procrastination.
I work very hard to not overbook myself or my schedule.
However, that means my life has margins and things can get shuffled aside for...
later.
and then this happens:

yikes!
It looks much better now...but I needed photographic evidence
that I'm not always as organized as I can seem.

But with small steps...eating better...taking action...
I'm already enjoying the calm that can come from a clean kitchen,
decluttered desk, lighter body.
And I'm hoping your year is starting fresh too as we
ring in the new year with health and peace.

A Look Back at our 2010

2011-01-01T10:00:00.000-05:00

Make your own scrapbooking design

The year is going

2010-12-31T10:10:00.002-05:00

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Alfred Lord Tennyson

egg and grog in a noggin

2010-12-28T10:52:00.002-05:00

Egg Nog:

Let's consider this my late Christmas Gift to you, okay?

The summer before I got married I worked at a Not-for Profit that provided support for new mothers. Full of wonderful, giving women, they threw me a bridal shower complete with a collection of everyone's favorite recipes. Among my favorites I received that day was the recipe for home-made egg nog. And while I initially thought it was odd to give a recipe for egg nog in the middle of a sweltering July...once I made the recipe I knew why they passed it on.

It is good...go-oood.

I can say that without bragging because the recipe was given to me. And now I give it to you.
(and if you feel squeemish about raw eggs...read what Chef Duff Goldman says about denaturing eggs with sugar )

Egg Nog

1 doz. fresh eggs, separated
1/2 C. granulated sugar
1/2 C. light corn syrup
2 pints half and half
1/2 gallon vanilla ice cream, melted
nutmeg to taste.

Beat egg whites until frothy. Add 1/4 C. sugar gradually. Beat until peaks form.
In separate bowl, add 1/4 C. sugar and whisk. Add corn syrup and half and half and whisk well. Add melted ice cream and fold in egg whites. Sprinkle with nutmeg to taste and serve COLD.

Your Branches Green Delight Us

2010-12-23T10:00:00.000-05:00

Much to my mother's horror...we have not had a tree in our home for the last three Christmases.
Why? Because we were being practical...and frugal...and we had little space in our apartments and tight budgets.

But this year...in our first home. A tree.
And maybe next year we will have to have a table-top tree out of the reach of tiny fingers...I hope I hope.

And with the absence of a Christmas tree these past years...our cherished ornaments lay in storage. So as we took each one out, carefully finding homes among the branches...each one seemed more special...more treasured.
Because there is value in waiting.
Gratitude hidden in wanting.

our newest ornament...for our new nest

a beautiful handmade ball from a college mentor

Scarlet arrived the year I finally got around to reading "Gone With the Wind"

from 2004...our first Christmas

another handmade ornament by my Grandmother,
from scraps of my junior bridesmaid dress in my Aunt's wedding.

So I sit in our decorated home,
crocheting or cuddling,
admiring each ornament and savoring each memory.

What Christmas Looks Like at our House

2010-12-22T11:15:00.004-05:00

a teeny tiny nativity set on our coffee table

an advent count down to Christmas
on our end table

Grandma Cook's handmade stockings
hung by the chimney...err...banister with care

my Russian Orthodox-inspired nativity set
near our fresh Maine wreath

Greentown Glass bowls
that were just sitting on the table waiting for something to fill them...
when our realtor sent us this arrangement.

and our card holder,
literally overflowing
with Christmas Greetings
from friends and family

Master Pastor

2010-12-21T11:16:00.002-05:00

We celebrated this past weekend.
In the midst of Christmas Celebrations, service preparations,
and other holiday gatherings, we made a quick trip east for a different sort of festivity...
Graduation!!

While Nathan finished his Graduate requirements in early October, he got his hood tassel, and diploma case (actual diploma to be mailed later) this past weekend. It was a good time of commissioning, prayer, and celebration.

Congratulations My Love!!

Nobody Knows the Truffles I've Seen

2010-12-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

Truffles are my new favorite Christmas Candy to make.
In years past, I've tried my great-grandmother's English Toffee, my grandmother's Rocky Road, my mother's buckeyes and white-chocolate dipped Ritz and PB sandwiches, and last year it was Hazelnut biscotti.....but this year I decided to try Truffles. Why truffles? Because I love them. And because they are $2.50 a piece at our local gourmet chocolate shop. That's why.

I named last Tuesday "Truffle Tuesday" at the Richardson Home...which really spilled over to Truffle Wednesday. All in all, I made over 200 truffles and while most went into handmade gift boxes for the Life Group Leaders in our Youth Group...I think I ate my body weight in truffles.

Double Chocolate Truffles

3 cups semi-sweet baking chips
1 (14 oz.) can Sweetened Condensed Milk
1 T. vanilla extract
unsweetened cocoa powder for dusting

Melt chocolate chips with milk in heavy-bottomed saucepan over low heat, stirring constantly. Remove from heat and add vanilla. Stir well. Pour mixture into Med. bowl. Cover and Chill in fridge for 2-3 hours.

With melon-baller or small baking scoop, scoop out truffles. Roll in cocoa and Chill an additional hour until set. Keep in air-tight container in fridge until served. ( Makes 45)

Peanut Butter Truffles

2 C. heavy whipping cream
2 lbs. while chocolate, melted
2 C. smooth Peanut Butter
2 lbs. bitter sweet chocolate (or white chocolate) for coating

Scald cream in saucepan. Pour into bowl and chill in fridge. In large saucepan melt white chocolate over low heat. In mixing bowl, combine white chocolate and peanut butter. Add chilled cream and continue blending on high speed until smooth. Pour into large bowl and let set in fridge overnight.

After mixture is set, scoop out truffles using melon-baller or small baking scoop. Place balls on waxed paper lined jelly roll pans and set set in fridge for another hour. Melt coating chocolate in saucepan over low heat. Using a fork, dip each truffle and coat with chocolate. Place on waxed paper lined pans and place back into the fridge until served.

Brown Bread

2010-12-15T13:43:00.002-05:00

We've been in our home for around 6 months.
I thought it was time to meet the neighbors.
What better excuse to meet your neighbors than homemade bread, right?
So last week I made up little gift baskets with Strawberry freezer jam, cookies, and brown bread.
We packed up, bundled up, and headed out across the street in the bitter cold to *finally* introduce ourselves to our neighbors.

And a few days later, I got a phone call from one of our sweet neighbors.
She invited me over for coffee and you know what she wanted...she wanted to know about the bread. She said it reminded her of the bread that her New-England born mother used to make when she was a little girl.

She said she hadn't had that taste in 50 or 60 years.

She told me how her home was the original town hall. How the original structure was built in 1890. She told me how the low-income apartments at the end of the street used to be a boy's school run by the Catholic nuns. How the land where our home now stands used to be farm land where those boys and those nuns grew food for the local hospital.

She showed me her home, now covered in framed watercolors, and she told me how she only started painting once her husband passed away. She invited me into her life. Gave me an open invitation..."just walk across the street anytime."

I offered to give her a ride to the store anytime she needed. I offered her the recipe for the Brown Bread, which came from my husband's New England family. She smiled and said,

"forget the recipe, just keep bringing the bread over."

So here's the recipe, from my mother-in law, to your family.
And maybe it will give you an excuse to meet your neighbors too.

Brown Bread

3 C. boiling water
1 and 1/2 C. oatmeal
1 pkg. yeast
1/2 C. warm water
1 T. granulated sugar
1/2 C. butter-flavored Crisco
3/4 C. molasses
1 T. salt
5-6 C. flour, plus more for handling
1/4 C. melted butter.

In bowl, add boiling water to oatmeal and let set up. In mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water and add sugar. Add shortening, molasses, and salt to yeast. Alternate adding flour (one cup at a time) and oatmeal. Mix well. Knead for 5 minutes.

Cover bowl with towel and let rise for one hour. Grease jelly roll pan. Form rolls and place in pan. Cover and let rise for another hour. Bake for 25-30 minutes at 375 degrees until dark brown. Brush rolls with melted butter while still warm. Store in air-tight container.

More of Santa's Workshop

2010-12-13T18:27:00.002-05:00

from these...

to these...

which become these...

Santa's Workshop

2010-12-09T10:21:00.004-05:00

I just realized that I haven't blogged once yet in December.
yikes!
So I thought I'd give a little update on what I have been doing...
lots of crocheting for my little etsy shop.

Making gift baskets as an excuse to meet our sweet neighbors.
(it's only been, ahem, 6 months)

Making, addressing, and hand-writing messages
for our Christmas Cards

Packaging little gifts.

and Making more cards.

So there are flour hand prints on my pants,
balls of yarn rolling all over my living room,
and scraps of paper on my kitchen table...
must be Christmas.

What's Next...

2010-11-29T19:58:00.004-05:00

As we have been joyfully telling people about our decision to adopt, we usually get asked the Question: "What's next?"

Unlike a biological baby...we're not sure of the time frame so we've been telling people 1-3 years, because that's what we've been told. But for those who want a more lengthy breakdown...this is for you:

Application
- Preliminary Application- a formal referral from our Pastor and a statement of faith from the both of us (check!)
- Information Meeting- awkward meeting with all the other infertile people (check!)
- Formal Application-this is all the paperwork, fingerprinting, background checks etc.
Assessment
- Home Study-meeting with the social worker to make sure we are who we say we are and have a safe place for the baby to come home to.
- Service Plan
- Family Web Profile- marketing ourselves and sharing more about who we are
Placement
- Referral-getting chosen by birth parents
- Placement-baby in our arms
Post Placement
- Supervisory Visits-follow up with Social Worker where we get to show off our adorable baby
- Gottcha Day- going before the court after the baby is 6 months old where we receive a Birth Certificate with OUR names on it and he/she becomes a Richardson forever!!! happy day.

So while it might be overwhelming to see that we are only able to cross 2 of the 3 thousand steps to adoption...we're making progress!

And it will be SO worth the wait.

"For anyone who is in fear

of the monsters that may be lurking around the corners of adoption,
yes, as with anything,
there are monsters to be conquered
and there is that potential that they could gobble us up,
which makes our actions so much more important.
But please consider for a moment
that as you are reading this,
there is a child who is battling very real monsters alone.
And imagine that when you make a commitment to take up arms,
side by side with the child,
how many unnecessary scars you,
as a family, can prevent."

from Becca's Blog

Truly Thankful for...

2010-11-25T10:00:00.000-05:00

“Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness

I, even I, am he who blots out
your transgressions, for my own sake,
and remembers your sins no more. "
Isaiah 43

Give Thanks

2010-11-23T11:41:00.003-05:00

image via bethproudfoot

Are you making something homemade for the upcoming holidays?
How about place cards?
Hostess gift?
Want the perfect classy label?
Well, you can find a free download for the perfect Thanksgiving label or tag here.

I recently found them and they printed off beautifully.
Now I only hope my homemade pumpkin butter turns out so well.

What I'm drooling over....

2010-11-22T11:09:00.002-05:00

I've been seeing a set of clothbound Penguin Classics around everywhere lately. And while I like them, they paled in comparison to this beautiful set of Puffin Classic Children's books. Available at Anthropologie, they include several of my favorite books especially the Secret Garden, my all-time favorite book in elementary school.

Vintage-inspired and whimsical, their cover illustrations remind me of the Heather Ross line of fabrics I love and have waiting to decorate our nursery with. If you could love a set of books...I think I could love these.

Words that take my breath away

2010-11-21T15:16:00.002-05:00

I recently read an essay from Becca...she beautifully put into words what I've been feeling over the last few months and years really. Here are a few of my favorite paragraphs. For the whole click here.

*Grieving a loved one is a process of sorting through all your hopes for the future, and slowly untangling that person from those dreams. In the same way, experiencing infertility requires a slow release of the dreams that you had of conceiving, carrying, and giving birth to a child. It doesn't mean you can't have a child. It just means that you may have to untangle your hopes of conceiving from your dreams of being a parent*

*Infertility IS losing someone you love. I have loved my unborn biological child for as long as I can remember. It is heart-breaking that I will never get to meet her. But mourning also requires moving past the "should be" and learning to live in "what is"... Should I be able to experience the wonder of a child growing inside of me? You bet. But there is no "should be". Grieving is a process of letting go of the "should bes" to make room for what is.*

*There are good things here, too. I am a much stronger person than I was a year ago. I have learned the value of my amazing husband, my beautiful friends, and my supportive family. I see with amazing clarity how precious life truly is. I have very little fear left, for the things I feared the most are coming true, and I am still standing. My compassion for those who are suffering has deepened, and I am no longer afraid to comfort them. I have patience for the small trials we go through each day, because I know how hard life can be. I can see God's fingerprints everywhere. I have met many angels in my journey, most them disguised as people here on earth. I am grateful for the truths that have been revealed to me.*

the Beginning of Choices

2010-11-17T11:10:00.004-05:00

There are a lot of decisions in adoption.

It starts with the decision to adopt.

Then we had to decide if we would be adopting internationally or domestically.

As I told Nathan emphatically one day "I want a BABY"

So, for us, we went with domestic.

Then you have to decide if you want to go with a private adoption agency, or the state foster system.

We went with an agency (though in other exciting news, Nathan's cousin is adopting too, through the state system...so we are taking the same journey through different paths).

Then we had to pick an agency.

This was a lot more in depth than we thought. There's philosophical differences to consider like, the agency's view of helping the birth mom with living expenses, how to negotiate open or semi-open adoption, and the best way to handle the inbetween phase once the birth mom leaves the hospital.

Well, after weighing all the options, we went with our initial reaction and general comfort level. As Nathan put it...I can't put my finger on it...I just keep coming back to (the certain) agency. After over 6 years of marriage, I am so thankful that we both have similar internal processes for making decisions.

So now we begin the paperwork. And praying that the Lord will provide financially. He's done it in the past and we're trusting that He will see us through this too. But I have to tell you, it's shocking how much adoption can cost.

And as we are making these choices, I know that somewhere out there our birth mother will be making some choices of her own...the choice to make an adoption plan, the choice of which adoption agency to go with, and finally choosing us.

New Endeavers

2010-11-12T20:30:00.003-05:00

Here's what I've been working on the last few weeks:
my etsy shop.

All my proceeds go right into our adoption fund.
Ta Da!!

Etsy
APieceaCake

Birth Mom

2010-11-10T11:32:00.003-05:00

Somewhere out there is a woman who will give birth to our child.
She probably isn't pregnant yet.
We have no idea who she is, where she lives, what her home life is.

But she will be our baby's home for the first 40 weeks or so of his/her life.

And eventually she will make the most heart-wrenching decision of her life. She will pick our scrapbook out of a pile, she will read a letter from us, and we will find blessing and joy in the midst of her pain. She will walk into the hospital pregnant and will be wheeled out with empty arms.

I don't take that lightly.

I hope you don't either.

So now that we are telling people about our plan to adopt, we often are asked what the next step is. For us, our journey to our child is continuing with what we've been doing for years: praying. It's just that our prayers have changed. Instead of praying for ourselves we are praying for our baby's birth mother.

Of course, we are researching adoption agencies, getting educated, creating wish lists on-line, talking with friends. But the most important thing we can do right now is to bring our concerns, questions, and hopes and lay them at the feet of Jesus.

And for me, those prayers start with our birth mom.

Will you join me in praying for her?

My dear friends who are mothers often talk of how hard it is to learn to let go as their child grows. I think I'm just learning those lessons a little earlier. I can't control the circumstances of my child's creation. Can't monitor the nutrition, stress level, prenatal care, or relationships surrounding our baby's development. But I can pray.

And pray I do. I pray for our birth mother's life, her heart, her family, her choices. I pray she has support and peace. And I pray we will be a blessing to her, as her gift will change and bless all of us.

Sweet Passage

2010-11-09T10:45:00.003-05:00

"There is no shortage of good days.
It is good lives that are hard to come by.
A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough.
The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more.
The life of the spirit requires less and less;
time is ample and its passage sweet."
— Annie Dillard

Journal

2010-11-03T11:45:00.008-04:00

It started with a little red leather journal.

I was a newlywed, living states away from family and friends. Our desperately small apartment filled with boxes of wedding gifts as we tried to make our two lives one. My elementary school yearbooks, his baseball glove. My tea cup collection next to his boomerang. I was in the middle of changing my name, address, and life. And I was job hunting for the first time. I had to go the library to google how to get to Wal-Mart.

One afternoon I decided I needed a break from unpacking and dealing with the bureaucracy of trying to get my new driver's license with my new last name (what do you mean I have to wait until I have a bill sent to my house...all the bills are in my husband's name?!) I slipped into a Barnes and Noble and came across a delicate, leather-bound book. I gathered the last bit of our wedding money and headed to the check out counter. As I drove home with the little journal sitting in the passenger's seat I thought "Now that I'm married, there is the very real possibility of becoming a mother." For the first time in my life, the idea of children was within my grasp, not just a foreign concept that happened to other people. Maybe, one day, I would fill that little journal full of prayers and letters to my baby, our baby. A little blond haired, blue eyes, person that would be half me, half my groom.

We weren't trying to have a baby, and it took a few years of trying NOT to have a baby for things to change. Then one December, our third together...I told my husband that I wanted a baby for Christmas. We were lying in the dark holding hands when I looked over at him and said, "I think I'm ready." On a whim, he answered briskly, "Sure." The next morning I threw out my birth control.

In my stocking that year, I found a small red knitted hat and mittens from him.

That journal has been tucked away on our bookshelves in six different homes. It's been four years and the hat and mittens lie folded in a drawer. What once was an opening to the possibility of new life became desperate prayers for a child. Over the years we've paid good money for invasive, humiliating procedures and I've done a lot of peeing in and on lots of things.

I've been called "childless" at Bible Studies and watched as one small group after another went from all couples to all families. We've been in gatherings where someone inevitably asks, "everyone has kids here right?" and we look at each other and slowly raise our hands and shake our head, "no." Mother's Days at church where all the women who are mothers are asked to stand and receive applause. Conversations with expectant friends where they have looked at me and said, "Being pregnant is no fun." Flippant remarks my family, friends, and acquaintances about how it's "time to start a family isn't it?", or how we, "look so natural holding that baby there," turned into stringent barbs, cutting us to the heart.

After the first year of no baby, we were technically labeled infertile as the "when" of parenthood became "if." And as one season rolled into the next, and years passed the thought of not being able to conceive gripped my heart and clawed into my chest.

Finally, came the crashing words of the doctor, "You should look into adoption as your best option for parenthood." I braced myself against the current of his words, and let them slowly roll over me and carry me out to the yawning grief. I came home, sat on the sofa and cried for a week straight. I crocheted like a mad woman, desperate to have something in my hands, to have something moving me forward. Five afghans, eight scarves, and four hats later, I'm still unpacking the suitcase of grieving.

For me, losing the dream of a biological child mean I have to open it up, take out each piece of pregnancy and let it burn. Pictures flash in my mind...of telling Nathan that there were two pink lines, of feeling the fluttering kicks, of breaking the news to joyful family and friends, of Nathan feeling the stronger bumps and punches, of ultrasound pictures, and shopping for maternity clothes. And I have to grieve the loss of each of these dreams. Some days it's exhausting.

But like any other grief, the ebb and flow subsides and eventually calm emerges. A content heart, and peace that passes all understanding rise where wreckage once stood. And I know that:

"He grants the barren woman a home,

Like a joyful mother of children. "
-Psalm 113

"My grace is enough; it's all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness...

and so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
-2 Cor. 12

With that truth in my heart, we're creating new dreams. New pictures are forming in my mind. A phone call from the adoption agency. Sharing THAT joyful news with family and friends. A baby shower. Meeting our child's birth mother. Maybe going to the hospital. Being handed a birth certificate with OUR names of it. Being handed our baby. Calling him OURS.

One day I will feel the sweet breath of a sleeping newborn on my neck. And it will be so worth the wait.

But for today that new dream is starting with an entry into that little red leather journal.

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-10-23T12:29:00.003-04:00

"The secret to staying young is to live honestly,
eat slowly,
and lie about your age."

-Lucille Ball

I'm turning 29 tomorrow.
I think I'll like being 29 and no offense to Lucy, I'm not going to start to lie about my age quite yet.
(even though the girls in my small group gasped in horror when I told them how old I would be :)
I'm eating slowly...as in slowly making my way through the two dozen Strawberries and Cream Cupcakes I made Thursday.
And I have every intent to live honestly.
But for now...I'm going to have a hot date with my hunny...and eat another cupcake.

Free Jam Labels

2010-10-14T14:19:00.003-04:00

All throughout the summer, when strawberries were $.99 a box, I would throw a few extra into my cart with each grocery store run. I came home, washed, and sliced them, and froze them.
Finally, it was getting to the point where my freezer was so full of frozen berries, I had room for little else.

So yesterday, I got around to turning those bargain berries into delicious freezer jam. I reused old jelly, pickle, and artichoke jars for some, with the intent of giving them away as gifts (and therefore avoided the guilt of giving away my mother's canning jars in the process).

And then today, Rachel's blog featured free labels!! How wonderful for her to post these .pdf files for those adorable jam labels.

So now my little jam jars will be beautifully labeled when they make their debuts...and of course, They were just too cute to keep to myself, So I had to share with you!

picture via blackeiffel

Things I Learned on Vacation

2010-10-11T12:08:00.004-04:00

Take someone handsome and fun-loving with you

If you are using a GPS and going through the hills of Kentucky, take an Atlas...the lady giving directions will become "That Woman"...then "Woman"...then "the thing" as she weaves you through Deliverance town, then recalculates, then loses satellite signal.

If you will be driving 2800 miles over 9 days, bring something to do in the car

Try to match your crocheting to the color of your resort

Once you've gone ocean-front...there's no going back. And if you're facing the ocean, keep your doors open at all times (except for the occasional curious sea gull)

Ask other couples to take your picture...even if you think you are being annoying.
Don't be afraid to vacation in the fall instead of summer...the weather was still beautiful, the rates are significantly lower, and it was mostly sweet, quiet, older couples walking hand in hand down the beach.

Make sure to give yourself a pedicure before you leave if you will be soaking up the sun

Take your own beach chairs...So much easier to read and you find sand in less places than laying on a beach towel

Don't wait another 6 years for another "just the two of us" vacation

Everything is Safe

2010-10-08T11:00:00.000-04:00

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kindgom of heaven. - Matt. 5:3

The way to deeper knowledge of God is through the lonely valleys of soul poverty and abnegation of all things. The blessed ones who possess the Kingdom are they who have repudiated every external thing and have rooted from their hearts all sense of possessing. These are the "poor in spirit." They have reached an inward state paralleling the outward circumstances of the common beggar in the streets of Jerusalem; that is what the word "poor" as Christ used it actually means. These blessed poor are no longer slaves to the tyranny of things. They have broken the yoke of the oppressor; and this they have done not by fighting but by surrendering. Though free from all sense of possessing, they yet possess all things. "Theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
There can be no doubt that this possessive clinging to things is one of the most harmful habits in the life. Because it is so natural it is rarely recognized for the evil that it is; but its outworkings are tragic.

We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety; this is especially true when those treasures are loved relatives and friends. But we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy but to save. Everything is safe which we commit to Him, and nothing is really safe which is not so committed.
-A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

When the frost is on the punkin

2010-10-06T10:00:00.003-04:00

O, it's then the time a feller is a-feelin' at his best,
With the risin' sun to greet him from a night of peaceful rest,
As he leaves the house, bareheaded, and goes out to feed the stock,
When the frost is on the punkin and the fodder's in the shock.

Of course we miss the flowers, and the blossoms on the trees,
And the mumble of the hummin'-birds and buzzin' of the bees;
But the air's so appetizin'; and the landscape through the haze
Of a crisp and sunny morning of the airly autumn days

Then your apples all is gethered, and the ones a feller keeps
Is poured around the cellar-floor in red and yaller heaps;
And your cider-makin's over, and your wimmern-folks is through
With theyr mince and apple-butter, and theyr souse and sausage too!...



Is a pictur' that no painter has the colorin' to mock—
When the frost is on the punkin and the fodder's in the shock.

-James Whitcomb Riley

As my mother and I would leave our home to walk the few blocks to elementary school, she would quote lines from this fellow Hoosier's famous fall poem. Our breath turned to steam as we crunched over silvery leaves and gilded corn husks. And this season, surrounded by beautiful everyday graces...I think Mr. Riley had it right. "it sets my hart a-clickin' like the tickin' of a clock"

Another Wedding, Another Scrapbook

2010-10-02T11:00:00.001-04:00

We have a dear college friend who getting married this weekend. We are blessed to be able to attend, and Nathan is a part of the ceremony. So, I had fun creating another ready-made Scrapbook for them so all they have to do is add pictures. I thought I would share it here, and share a few of my favorite pages. This album is much more simple, elegant, and restrained than some of my other album. I used a lot of Martha Stewart Craft supplies and think it fits the new couple. Hope they like it!

it's my birthday month...

2010-10-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

get excited.

A year ago I was packing up our little apartment and headed to a new state. Everything seemed so unsure as we left our friends and family. As Nathan headed back into full time ministry and I made the transition to stay at home.

Well, we've done a whole lot more unpacking, packing again, an unpacking. And while I still miss being so close geographically to family and long-time friends. Our life, our marriage, and our home is such a beautiful, comfty place to be right now.

So I welcome October, welcome fall, and welcome another year.